I hate to call Paul Simon a fraud, but this has been bothering me for years now: His song ?50 Ways To Leave Your Lover? only includes FIVE actual ways to leave your lover (see 1-5 below). I thought I?d help him out by coming up with the other 45 myself. So why don't you just sleep on it tonight, and in the morning you'll begin to see the light
1. Just slip out the back, Jack
2. Make a new plan, Stan
3. You don?t need to be coy, Roy
4. Hop on the bus, Gus
5. Just drop off the key, Lee
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6. Threaten to sue, Lou
7. Pack up and go, Joe
8. Blame it on the gin, Finn
9. Move to Japan, Stan
10. Get a new job, Bob
11. Call her a hick, Rick
12. Move to Boston, Austin
13. Pack up and dash, Nash
14. Get a new bride, Clyde
15. Fly to the moon, June
16. Dive in the sea, Dee
17. Spray her with Mace, Grace
18. Work late and cheat, Pete
19. Say she?s a slob, Rob
20. Tell her she?s screwed, Jude
21. Might have to draw blood, Judd
22. Get in a van, Dan
23. Pack while she?s gone, Ron
24. Leave her at the table, Mable
25. Say it?s not you it?s me, Lee
26. There?s always Brazil, Will
27. Walk out the front gate, Kate
28. Wear a big floppy hat, Pat
29. Run as fast as you dare, Claire
30. Tell it to her straight, Nate
31. Throw your clothes in the lawn, John
32. Rent a new flat, Matt
33. Sneak off to the bar, Mar
34. Feed her to a shark, Mark
35. Hop on a plane, Jane
36. Make her sick, Nick
37. Find a new man, Ann
38. Leave on a whim, Jim
39. Blame it on him, Em
40. Run off with the maid, Jade
41. How far can you swim, Kim?
42. Just take him out, Scout
43. Post it online, Cline
44. Make a big scene, Gene
45. Walk away slow, Flo
46. Try your hand at showbiz, Liz
47. Change the locks, Nox
48. Write it on the wall, Paul
49. Sail off on a yacht, Scott
50. Don?t ever look back, Mac