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5 things we learn from Noah's Ark..

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maureen92 On November 09, 2008




bongao, Philippines
#1New Post! Aug 25, 2008 @ 09:05:57
5 things we learn from Noah's ark:

1.plan ahead: it wasn't raining when noah built the ark.

2.for safety sake, travel in pair.

3.speed isn't always an advantage: the snails were on board with the cheetahs.

4.the ark was built by the amateurs, titanic by professionals.

5.no matter how strong the storm is, when you're with GOD(ALLAH), there's always a rainbow waiting.
maximillion On December 13, 2016




, Minnesota
#2New Post! Aug 25, 2008 @ 09:08:48
and now for something completely different
rickyatcrazy On November 17, 2008




San Diego, California
#3New Post! Aug 25, 2008 @ 09:40:42
must have been a b**** getting that elephant poop out!
kaydoh On December 19, 2011




nottingham, United Kingdom
#4New Post! Aug 25, 2008 @ 11:04:52
NOAH'S ARK



The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark." And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark.

"OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints, "I'm your man."

Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there was no ark.

"Noah!" shouted the Lord, "Where is My ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground right beside Noah.

"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark's construction, but Your plans did not meet their code. So, I had to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with him about whether to include a sprinkler system. My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning board. Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me catch them, so no owls. Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an animal rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each kind. Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the ark without filling out an environmental impact statement on Your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the Supreme Being. Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe! Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission over how many minorities I'm supposed to hire. The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to leave the country, and I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of use tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the ark in less than five years."

With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you are not going to destroy the world?" he asked hopefully.

"No," said the Lord. "The government already has."
jmo On April 29, 2021
Beruset af Julebryg





Yorkshire, United Kingdom
#5New Post! Aug 25, 2008 @ 12:33:37
God is a viscious entity that creates humans to possess sin, then kills them all for it, whilst also killing almost all the animals in the world, despite them having done nothing wrong.
alexkidd On February 07, 2012
Captain Awesome!


Deleted



in a bog, Ireland
#6New Post! Aug 25, 2008 @ 12:56:50
god this story annoys me,
scary how people can believe its actually true
ShadyFx8 On October 11, 2017




cairns, Australia
#7New Post! Aug 25, 2008 @ 13:18:11
why did god flood the the earth? why dident he just kill all the sinner himself, why dident he magicley build the ark himself, WHY DID HE GIVE PEOPLE THE URGE TO SIN????
skottie On September 23, 2009

Deleted



, Texas
#8New Post! Aug 25, 2008 @ 13:32:08
so did Noah build a fresh water fish tank on the ark also? what about a salt water tank? no one ever talks about how he saved all the fish and stuff.
BeTTyBeLL On November 28, 2010
made just right





Kosciusko, Mississippi
#9New Post! Aug 25, 2008 @ 13:39:18
@maureen92 Said
5 things we learn from Noah's ark:

1.plan ahead: it wasn't raining when noah built the ark.

2.for safety sake, travel in pair.

3.speed isn't always an advantage: the snails were on board with the cheetahs.

4.the ark was built by the amateurs, titanic by professionals.

5.no matter how strong the storm is, when you're with GOD(ALLAH), there's always a rainbow waiting.



So no one after all this time as learned to bring air freashner? I mean really the one big thing everyone should have learned is how bad 2 of every animal stinks when confined and enclosed for 40 days and nights...
MlissaBeth On February 13, 2013
Wait for it!





Tucson, Arizona
#10New Post! Aug 25, 2008 @ 13:51:32
@kaydoh Said
NOAH'S ARK



The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark." And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark.

"OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints, "I'm your man."

Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there was no ark.

"Noah!" shouted the Lord, "Where is My ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground right beside Noah.

"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark's construction, but Your plans did not meet their code. So, I had to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with him about whether to include a sprinkler system. My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning board. Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me catch them, so no owls. Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an animal rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each kind. Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the ark without filling out an environmental impact statement on Your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the Supreme Being. Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe! Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission over how many minorities I'm supposed to hire. The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to leave the country, and I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of use tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the ark in less than five years."

With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you are not going to destroy the world?" he asked hopefully.

"No," said the Lord. "The government already has."




Now that's some funny s*** right there.
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