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xxxbrandyxxx0 On July 20, 2010




mobile,alabama, Alabama
#31New Post! Sep 29, 2006 @ 16:36:07
Subject: Two Bad Little Boys


Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it.
If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in
disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.

The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy
to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and
asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is,son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response,
sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice
even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!"

The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet,
slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.

( I just LOVE reading this next line again and again )

"GOD is missing, and they think we did it!"
xxxbrandyxxx0 On July 20, 2010




mobile,alabama, Alabama
#34New Post! Oct 02, 2006 @ 04:17:41
ladym On April 14, 2009




My Coffee House, DEEP Undergro
#35New Post! Oct 02, 2006 @ 09:58:17
@brainfarmer Said
not funny but it really makes you feel weird if you do it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzSRVgF501M



My gosh thats weird.
the little animals i have on top of my puter started moving.
Cool but made me dizzy even after the effects had worn off.
lonestar On June 16, 2021




, Australia
#36New Post! Oct 03, 2006 @ 04:41:22
Retired Pirate


After many years at sea a pirate decided it was time to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the job he thought that he could also collect disability insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye. The agency assured him that he would be compensated if the injuries were work related. "How did you get the wooden leg?" In a booming voice the pirate replied:

"WELL MATEY, YOU SEE IT WAS LIKE THIS: ME AND ME MATES WERE ON THE HIGH SEAS WHEN THE BOOM SHE SWANG 'ROUND AND KNOCKED ME INTO THE SEA WHERE A SHARK BIT OFF ME LEG."

"Well that is certainly work related. How did you lose your hand." In a booming voice the pirate replied:

"WELL MATEY, YOU SEE IT WAS LIKE THIS: ME AND ME MATES WERE ON THE HIGH SEAS WHEN THE BOOM SHE SWANG 'ROUND AND KNOCKED ME INTO THE SEA WHERE A SHARK BIT OFF ME HAND."

"Well that is certainly work related. How did you lose your eye." In a booming voice the pirate replied:
"WELL MATEY, YOU SEE IT WAS LIKE THIS: I WAS LAYING ON THE DECK ONE BALMY DAY CATCHING SOME RAYS WHEN THIS *%#@* SEAGULL FLEW BY AND DROPPED HIS DUTY RIGHT IN ME EYE!"

"Well yes, but what does that have to do with the loss of your eye?"

"IT WERE THE FIRST DAY WITH ME HOOK!"
xxxbrandyxxx0 On July 20, 2010




mobile,alabama, Alabama
#37New Post! Oct 05, 2006 @ 03:43:31
Little Johnny's dad was a retired gambler. Having picked up a few of his old man's bad habits, Johnny wagered on anything and everything, and he was good at it. Eventually, it became such a problem, that Johnny's teacher called his father to discuss it. After a long conversation, they decided to teach him a lesson.

One day after class Johnny approached his teacher. "You're not really blonde," he said. "I've seen your bush and it's pitch black, you dye your hair." "I most certainly do not," she replied. "I bet you ten bucks you do," he said. She saw that this was an opportunity to teach him a lesson, so she waited for all the other children to leave the class and took off her pants, showing him that her pubic hair was the same color as the hair on her head. Johnny paid her the ten dollars and walked sullenly out of the room.

A few hours later Johnny's teacher called his father. "I think I finally taught him a lesson," she said. "The hell you have," his father said angrily. "This morning he bet me $50 he'd see your c*** before the end of the day."
xxxbrandyxxx0 On July 20, 2010




mobile,alabama, Alabama
#38New Post! Oct 20, 2006 @ 03:54:16
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing,"! he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
xxxbrandyxxx0 On July 20, 2010




mobile,alabama, Alabama
#39New Post! Oct 20, 2006 @ 04:05:40
Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call.

The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful, in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny are, and ask what line of work his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay."

As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars, and a big stock portfolio."
xxxbrandyxxx0 On July 20, 2010




mobile,alabama, Alabama
#40New Post! Apr 03, 2007 @ 18:47:53
When a girl says she likes you, she wants you to ask her out.

When u break a girls heart, she'll still feel it 3 years later

When a girl just stares deep into your eyes, she's HOPING that your hers and only hers ( it shows how much she cares: eyes never lie)

When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers, "I'm fine, " after a few seconds, she is not at all fine.

When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are so wonderful.

When a girl lays her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a girl calls you everyday, she is seeking for your attention.

When a girl wants to see you everyday, she wants to be pampered.

When a girl says, "I'll love you forever, " she means it.

When a girl says that she can't live without you, she has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a girl says, "I miss you, " no one in this world can miss you more than that

When a girl is mean to you after a breakup she wants you back, but she's scared she'll get hurt and knows your gone forever


Guy Facts:

When a guy calls u he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet, He's listening to you...

When a guy is not arguing, He realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine, " after a few minutes, he means it

When a guy stares at you, he wishes you would care about him and wonders if you do?

When you're laying your head on a guy's chest, he has the world

When a guy calls you everyday, he is in love

When a (good) guy say he loves you, he means it

When a guy says he can't live without you, he's with you till your done

When a guy says, "I miss you, " he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else
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