Funnies

The man who invented the zip fastener for trousers has been honoured with a peerage. He will now be known as "Lord of the flies"

I was driving along the motorway when my boss rang me up. "You've been promoted" he said. I swerved a little then he rang again, "You've been promoted again." he told me. I almost swerved again.
For a third time he rang me and said: "You've been made managing director."
This time I swerved and hit a tree. A policeman attended and asked: "What happened?"
I said: "I careered off the road."