Hello, my name is none of your business. I am
suffering from seven rare
and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear
of being mauled
by squirrels, and guilt for not forwarding out 50
billion chain letters
sent to me by people who actually believe that if you
send them on, that
a poor 6 year old girl in Texas with a potato growing
out of her forehead
will be able to raise enough money to have it removed
before her parents
sell her off to the traveling freak show. Do you
honestly believe that
Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send
"his" email to
$1000? How stupid are you? I guess stupid enough to
believe that you will
receive a $2 billion shopping spree at Abercrombie &
Fitch...
Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make
a wish, I'll meet
the girl of my dreams tomorrow! What a bunch of junk.
So basically, this
message is directed to all the people out there who
have nothing better
to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.
Maybe the evil letter
leprechauns will come into my house and write "I'm a
moron" on my
forehead in permanent marker in my sleep for not
continuing the
chain which was started by a knight of the round table
and was brought
to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower
and if it makes it to
the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World
Records for the
longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. If
you're going to
forward something, at least send out something mildly
amusing. I've seen
all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and
this poor,
wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive
a nickel from my
pet gecko" forwards about 90 times. It's getting old.
Show a little
intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing to by
sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own
unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
(Scroll down) Make a wish!!!
No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!! Wish
something else!!!
No, I'm sorry, we're out of ponies at the time being!!
Have you forgotten why you're scrolling yet?
STOP!!!! Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish
Now, to make
you feel guilty, here's what I'll do.
First of all, if you don't send this to 5,096 people
in the next 5
seconds, you will be kidnapped by ninja elves and
thrown off a high
building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because
THIS letter isn't like
all of those fake ones... THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!!
Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be annoyed
with you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be annoyed
with you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be annoyed
with you for
sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a
plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be
annoyed with you for
sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm
your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2:
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see,
there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has
no arms, no legs,
no
parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be
saved, because
for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be
donated to the Little
Starving Leg-less, Arm-less, Parent-less, Goat-less
Boy from the
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we
have absolutely no way
of counting the e-mails sent and this is all a
complete load of junk. So
go on, reach out. Send this to 59 people in the next
47 seconds. Oh, and
a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6
people, you will die
instantly. Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type 3:
Hi there! This chain letter has been in existence
since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no e-mail then
and probably not
as
many sad e-mail addicts with nothing better to do. So
this is how it
works:
Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 seconds or
something
horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on
Friday. She had recently
received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped
in a crack in the
sidewalk, fell into a sewer, was gushed down a
drainpipe in a flood of
poop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only
did she smell
nasty, she died, too.... This could happen to you!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13year old boy, got a chain letter in
his e-mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was crushed by an anvil
that was dropped
by a plane that just happened to be flying directly
above him. This could
happen to you too!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip.
Just send this
letter to all of your loser friends, and everything
will be okay.
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it
to every one of
your friends.
"Friends"
A friend is someone who is always at your side... A
friend is someone
who likes you even though you stink like dead fish,
and your breath
smells
like you've been eating cat food. A friend is someone
who likes you
even though you can't juggle. A friend is someone who
thinks your pants
look like they were made from curtains. A friend is
someone who stays
with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad
life... A friend
is someone who pretends they like you when they really
think you should
be ran over by a steamroller and then thrown to
vicious dogs... A friend
is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums, and then
gets the check and
leaves and doesn't speak much English... (-no, sorry
that's the cleaning
lady...) A friend is not someone who sends you chain
letters because
he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, no one will like you
for as long as you
live. I mean it, as long as you live.
The point being? If you get some chain letter that's
threatening to leave
you friendless or luckless for the rest of your life,
delete it. If it's
funny, send it on. Don't annoy people by making them
feel guilty about a
leper in Otswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a
dead elephant for 27
years, whose only chance of living is the 5 cents per
letter he'll
receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end
up like Miranda.
Right? Now forward this to everyone you
know...otherwise you'll find all
your socks missing tomorrow morning.
May 09, 2005 @ 05:30:01
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