Five Principles of Civil Dialogue

@DuLu Said

one upsmanship so to speak.

@DuLu Said

Reference not being able to 'change' a person, only influence them?


it's your job to CHANGE the person's mind from no to yes.

@DuLu Said

I know it is more PC to use the word 'influence' vice 'change' others ---- but, pretty much, if you're good at what you do or being who you are ---------- what you did or said (and how you did it or how your said it) ===== it changed the outcome of the interaction
[favorably 'as in' the loser matching/mirroring/choosing your
spoken/unspoken message.

@Electric_Banana Said

"What we most want from the person we are talking to is for them to see things from our perspective and agree."

Is a bit too vague.

I would paraphrase:

"What we most want from the person we are talking to is for them to see things from our perspective and compromise or at least stop and think a bit further."

The former just wants their ego petted.

The latter wants to make a difference.

"Most certainly there must be a more constructive way of correcting bad children rather than giving up on and shooting them. Perhaps if we just set down the gun and think about this some more...."

The latter provides no adamant and absolute solution (there are many answers of many variances which are context sensitive to many different individual types and their many different experiences. I also can not provide any sort of definite absolute because I am not Jesus.) but rather encourages the target to at least stop and attempt to turn the gears in their head to find a better solution than the one they were attempting.

Of course perhaps all that I wrote above is what the author intended but accidentally oversimplified it.

@someone_else_again Said

I certainly don't present ideas for the purpose of them being rebuked.

@Electric_Banana Said

That backwards psychology seems to be the most effective tool in our current existence however.

I present general insights knowingly many will undoubtedly rebuke them initially but also knowing they will slowly grow and spread like a seed.

@Electric_Banana Said

I often times only read summaries posted. I'm very lazy when it comes to reading and fear long articles may be hidden on the other sides of hyper text.

@Hypnotica Said

By the way you forgot to mention "Trance Words". Finding someones trance words is also a good way to build rapport.

Im going to say "Build rapport" instead of civil, because once in rapport people genrally are civil with each other as they are on the same wavelength.

If you try to be civil to someone who is uncivil you will never get anywhere.

@someone_else_again Said

Me? I didn't write the article. I just read it.

Finding someone's trance words sounds ... deceitful.

@Hypnotica Said

Theres nothing decietful about building rapport with someone.
And it aint as amazing as it sounds. I was actually dissapointed by how basic it was.

Also its just a technique, a tool of verbal communication. Practice it enough and it becomes natural. So you are just being yourself.

@someone_else_again Said

You're just being the self that you made yourself become by changing yourself.

I'm not saying that building rapport with someone is deceitful, the thought of using another person's trance words seems deceitful. Like a snake oil salesman.

Oh? You're following a paleo diet? I'll make sure I say lots of things about root vegetables and "gluten-free" products.

Please tell me I'm misunderstanding.

@Hypnotica Said

They are not necessarily trance words. So he is not necessarily being decietful. Also what is decietful about selling a product? If i walk into a shop i probably want to buy something so there is no decietfulness.

All that makes something decietful is a lack of authenticy. Smoke and mirrors. Trance words are not lies or false claims.

Even if someone lies, they probably wont be able to manage expectations so the will be seen for who they really are.

@someone_else_again Said

Explain trance words to me then please.

What I mean by snake oil salesman is someone who just wants to sell something. I'm not talking about a sales assistant in a shop that you've willingly gone into, I'm talking about someone approaching you about something that they want you to buy.

@Hypnotica Said

Isnt that what a shop assistant does? Ive known a slaes man who can turn a "Im not interested" into a "I will sign the family up", thats where my imagining people as talking chickens comes into play by the way. Im not talking about talking to a mundane person. Im on about talking to successful people who are good at what they do.

Anyway as for trance words. Basically when you speak to someone, they will probably have one or two words they use a lot like they might say "I love blanh blah blah, I really love blah blah blah and I love doing blah blah activity".

SO the trance word there is "love". Use that word you will make a connection. I have a work collegue who to be honest is an ignorant prick. Like today he was gobbing off at the manager insisting he was in the right even though he was in the wrong (customer complaint, phone call was recorded, but he still insisted).

I know that talking to this person is an absalute pain in the butt. But through techniques like trance words and other NLP techniques. I can genrally build rapport with him and get tasks completed, which otherwise would never get done or he would just bully other people into doing them.

Also angry customers, who just want to shout and scream, instead of explaining the problem so I can get it resolved.

So again, are trance words really deceitful.

Sure I know they can be used in other ways, but Im not talking about that purpose. You mentioned civil dialogue. SO I am just putting my views out on how I would make a civil conversation with someone who by rights I shouldnt be able to talk to due to personality clashes.

@someone_else_again Said




Can you figure out which one I am?

@sAeGeSpAeNe Said

Speak up, a little. I can't hear you!