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If you've read it before, I haven't-It's funny

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ReAdSaLoT On September 23, 2019




,
#1New Post! Dec 21, 2012 @ 16:01:39
This funny Christmas poem makes fun of the times we live in. It’s called A Politically Correct Christmas Story. The author is anonymous.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”.
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labour conditions at the North Pole
were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called “Unenlightened.”

And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she’d enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he’d never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football…someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you’ve got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere…even you.
So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth…
May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on Earth.
sTreetAngeL On January 24, 2022
root tedt ree





in a paradox,
#2New Post! Dec 21, 2012 @ 17:53:01
Awesome!
psuedonymus On January 17, 2017

Banned



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#3New Post! Dec 21, 2012 @ 20:35:07
It was the night before Christmas and all through the flat…

Not a creature was stirring,
not even the cat…

When out on the lawn there rose such a smell…
I ran to the window to see what the hell.

And what to my blood shot eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and some mangy reindeer…

And a little old driver (who had just been quite sick)
I new in an instant it must be St. Nick

On Dasher on Dancer echoed his calls,
Get up on the roof or I’ll cut off you (um.. allowances)

Well faster than eagles those reindeer did fly,
First up on the roof and then into the sky…

And I heard him exclaim as he passed out of sight…
Merry Christmas to all, its been a hell of a night.


With all due respect.....
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#4New Post! Dec 22, 2012 @ 02:28:48
after read these two poems, thank god, i celebrate hanukkah! those poor reindeers. i am the kind of a jew that eat pork. that reminder i don't have any for christmas dinner plan. i know get sort of pig meat because that is pork. doesn't anyone know if reindeer is pork or beef, do you where i buy a couple of slaps of reindeer meat. i could have ribs that night. god, that sound really good! anybody know on the forum e-mail me, you know a place that sell it. i really eat rudolf right now. before i forget " happy hanukkah " to everyone!
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