Do you feel like a disappointment to your family?

Carly's Mommy

Underneath the Cyanide Sun....

Feb 01, 2012 @ 18:53:45

I do. I feel like everything I do lately is to them.
I didn't go to college right away (though I work over 40 hours a week). I let my boyfriend move in (oh heavens no) 2 months before my 18th birthday. And now I'm pregnant at 19 (they don't know yet).

I just feel like my dad's family is going to turn their backs on me because I'm not like my cousins. They got into Ivy League schools at 16 or 17, never had boyfriends/girlfriends, did dozens of sports and extracurricular activities, etc. etc.

I'm pretty used to being treated differently in my family anyway. My dad was the youngest boy and 3rd youngest child, yet had the second grandchild... with a stripper out of wedlock no less.
I'm used to being patronized because they feel like my life is so tragic. I just feel like this will be the last straw.

I really wish my family could truly love me and accept me for who I am and my lack of desire to live my life straight out of their book:
Straight A's in school, amazing college out of state, marry a man with the same background in a Catholic church, and have a grade A successful career. Big house, church going, 3 darling, obedient children, etc.

It makes me feel like nothing I do is right. That I'm just a failure and that's all I'll ever be.

Thank God for my mom and her family. I get the exact opposite vibe from them.

0

Kristy69

Carly's Mommy

Underneath the Cyanide Sun....

#2

Feb 01, 2012 @ 18:58:41

Oh, not only that, but I'm the kid who wears all black and speaks her mind.

The only difference between my cousins and I is the fact I have balls.
I love them to death, but I stick up for myself and others when they're being ganged up upon by the rest of the family.

0

sTreetAngeL

root tedt ree

in a paradox,

#3

Feb 01, 2012 @ 19:04:13

Well first let me say that nobody can make us feel anything,... we feel what we feel.
But you can reverse your feelings. They are yours alone; it is in your power.

People usually treat us according to how we feel about ourselves...
If we love who we are, regardless of what we have , then we aren't going to put up with any crap treatment. From ANYbody; but especially from family...as they should be our rock. Our 'there at all times, in any situation' sanctuary.

1

sister_of_mercy

London, United Kingdom

#4

Feb 01, 2012 @ 19:05:49

Try not to compare yourself to other members of the family; I'm sure your parents are more proud of you than you realise, just maybe for different things.

I've never felt like a disappointment as the bar was never set that high to begin with. I'm the first one in the family to finish sixth form and to have gotten 10 A*-C GCSEs and I'm also the first one to get into university (nobody in my family liked education much). Plus the whole cathedral chorister/head girl thing made my grandmother proud. So no, not a disappointment.

I do feel like a bit of a black sheep at times though as my sister and brother both have jobs and large groups of friends and the rest of the family share a similar kind of humour and intelligence, whereas I don't so much. Plus my sister has had quite a few long term boyfriends and my family keep nagging me to try and get back in the game so to speak. It doesn't feel like I belong there at times.

I've been called the goth of the family as well come to think of it

0

Edited: February 01, 2012 @ 19:08

eternus_somnium

clinically crackers

, United States (general)

#5

Feb 01, 2012 @ 19:06:12

I tell my mom all the time that at family reunions I feel like the goth kid crashing the party...and I'm not even goth, its just in comparison to them.

I don't think I'm a disappointment but I don't think they really undestand me either. Just as I don't understand them. I guess the separation has something to do with it- most of my family lives in the sane small town whereas I've grown up traveling the country.

0

Edited: February 01, 2012 @ 19:06

boobagins

SPICY HOT TAMALES

Astral Weeks, Florida

#6

Feb 01, 2012 @ 19:08:47

Eh.. it could always be worse. Take, getting straight A's, graduating with a 4.6 gpa, getting full ride scholarship, getting into uni of my choice, great job at a young age, did bachelors and masters at a faster pace than everyone else, got lots of other opportunities but it still isn't enough for some people.

You just come to a point where you stop and realize that nothing will be the way you want them to be and you just have to live for yourself and find your happiness. They are the only ones that can change their outlook on things and the sooner you see that, the freer you'll be.

1

Edited: February 01, 2012 @ 19:19

Kristy69

Carly's Mommy

Underneath the Cyanide Sun....

#7

Feb 01, 2012 @ 19:13:14

@sTreetAngeL Said

Well first let me say that nobody can make us feel anything,... we feel what we feel.
But you can reverse your feelings. They are yours alone; it is in your power.

People usually treat us according to how we feel about ourselves...
If we love who we are, regardless of what we have , then we aren't going to put up with any crap treatment. From ANYbody; but especially from family...as they should be our rock. Our 'there at all times, in any situation' sanctuary.

I agree with you. It's just hard because I feel like I used to get all the praise when I was 16 and they had so many high hopes for me. Now at every family function, any conversation someone has is about "how important ___" is and "have you ____ yet???"

I'm just gonna accept whatever I can get from them and hold my head high when I'm around them.

0

Kristy69

Carly's Mommy

Underneath the Cyanide Sun....

#8

Feb 01, 2012 @ 19:15:26

@sister_of_mercy Said

Try not to compare yourself to other members of the family; I'm sure your parents are more proud of you than you realise, just maybe for different things.

I've never felt like a disappointment as the bar was never set that high to begin with. I'm the first one in the family to finish sixth form and to have gotten 10 A*-C GCSEs and I'm also the first one to get into university (nobody in my family liked education much). Plus the whole cathedral chorister/head girl thing made my grandmother proud. So no, not a disappointment.

I do feel like a bit of a black sheep at times though as my sister and brother both have jobs and large groups of friends and the rest of the family share a similar kind of humour and intelligence, whereas I don't so much. Plus my sister has had quite a few long term boyfriends and my family keep nagging me to try and get back in the game so to speak. It doesn't feel like I belong there at times.

I've been called the goth of the family as well come to think of it

Yeah, it's the opposite. Success, success, success is what matters to these people. If you're anything but it's a "Aw, how sad" thing.

@eternus_somnium Said

I tell my mom all the time that at family reunions I feel like the goth kid crashing the party...and I'm not even goth, its just in comparison to them.

I don't think I'm a disappointment but I don't think they really undestand me either. Just as I don't understand them. I guess the separation has something to do with it- most of my family lives in the sane small town whereas I've grown up traveling the country.

I completely get where you're coming from on that one.

0

Dark_Tink

<3 Boobie <3

, Canada

#9

Feb 01, 2012 @ 19:17:59

Guaranteed, there have been f***-ups and mistakes that side of the family has made, they are just hidden or not talked about. Regardless how good of a school they have gone to and all the sports and extracurricular activities they have been involved in, there is a good chance that they have done at least one thing they are not proud of.

I've learned from experience, that the ones that portray the "perfect image" have more skeletons in their closets then anyone else.

Quote:
They got into Ivy League schools at 16 or 17, never had boyfriends/girlfriends, did dozens of sports and extracurricular activities, etc. etc.

I can only imagine how strict and regimental their lives probably were. Sounds like loads of fun.

My dad's side is like that too. His aunt(his moms sister) was one greedy, self-centered b****. But she sat on her high horse every chance she got. I felt not one ounce of loss when she died. She twisted my grandma's mind so much when it came to her sons, it was deplorable! Thank fully, in the end(shortly before my grandma died, she saw her sister for what she truly was)

You have finished high school and are working full time. Nothing to be disappointed about. Yes, you are pregnant before you had planned, but anyone that knows you, knows that you will be a great mother and you have an awesome mom to help you.

You just need to distance yourself from that side. Yeah, easier said then done, I know. You don't need that kind of attitude in your life though.

0

chisa96

Supreme Goddess

Out in Nature, Wisconsin

#10

Feb 01, 2012 @ 19:20:59

Nah, I don't feel like I'm a disappointment, at least to my parents, though I've done things much the same as you. They don't really expect anything of me though, so whatever I choose to do with my life is okay by them. I think that all they specifically want for me is to not go insane.

Actually, I feel like they're quite proud of some things. I think my mom likes to say how I jumped out and supported myself right away, or talk about some of my bad-ass stunts, or how I adapted to a mommy's life. They're not specifically the responsible choices, but like I said, I've never felt like she's held any of those expectations out to measure me by. She's quite wonderful really.

I'd talk to your parents before assuming anything about how they feel about you though. And just your parents. f*** the extended family if they don't like your life; it's not their business.

0

Edited: February 01, 2012 @ 19:23

sTreetAngeL

root tedt ree

in a paradox,

#11

Feb 01, 2012 @ 19:21:01

@Kristy69 Said

I agree with you. It's just hard because I feel like I used to get all the praise when I was 16 and they had so many high hopes for me. Now at every family function, any conversation someone has is about "how important ___" is and "have you ____ yet???"

I'm just gonna accept whatever I can get from them and hold my head high when I'm around them.

Just whatever you do, don't allow yourself to become a permanant disappointment to yourself.

Sure..having a baby at this point wasn't planned or expected; but you are so young yet...You still can, if you choose to, do many other things with your life. Theres a long road ahead of you... as long as you keep yourself of the mind that you can.

0

chaski

Stalker

Tree at Floydgirrl's Window,

#12

Feb 01, 2012 @ 19:23:14

@Kristy69 Said

I do. I feel like everything I do lately is to them.
I didn't go to college right away (though I work over 40 hours a week). I let my boyfriend move in (oh heavens no) 2 months before my 18th birthday. And now I'm pregnant at 19 (they don't know yet).

I just feel like my dad's family is going to turn their backs on me because I'm not like my cousins. They got into Ivy League schools at 16 or 17, never had boyfriends/girlfriends, did dozens of sports and extracurricular activities, etc. etc.

I'm pretty used to being treated differently in my family anyway. My dad was the youngest boy and 3rd youngest child, yet had the second grandchild... with a stripper out of wedlock no less.
I'm used to being patronized because they feel like my life is so tragic. I just feel like this will be the last straw.

I really wish my family could truly love me and accept me for who I am and my lack of desire to live my life straight out of their book:
Straight A's in school, amazing college out of state, marry a man with the same background in a Catholic church, and have a grade A successful career. Big house, church going, 3 darling, obedient children, etc.

It makes me feel like nothing I do is right. That I'm just a failure and that's all I'll ever be.

Thank God for my mom and her family. I get the exact opposite vibe from them.

You may or may not have made the best decisions (life will tell in time), however, it is your life to live... your successes... your failures...

As one friend of mine says, "pull yourself up by your bootstraps and carry on."

As another one says, "You can pick your friends, but you are stuck with your family... so you better pick good friends."

(P.S. sounds like you should spend more time with your mom's family.)

0

sTreetAngeL

root tedt ree

in a paradox,

#13

Feb 01, 2012 @ 19:23:46

@Dark_Tink Said

I've learned from experience, that the ones that portray the "perfect image" have more skeletons in their closets then anyone else.

[smile]https://i.tfster.com/cache/bestsmileys.com/thumbs/7.gif"> Amen sis! They just aren't going to talk about it... And that is why too, they are so heavily judgmental of others.

1

restoreone

, Ohio

#14

Feb 01, 2012 @ 19:33:30

@Kristy69 Said

I do. I feel like everything I do lately is to them.
I didn't go to college right away (though I work over 40 hours a week). I let my boyfriend move in (oh heavens no) 2 months before my 18th birthday. And now I'm pregnant at 19 (they don't know yet).

I just feel like my dad's family is going to turn their backs on me because I'm not like my cousins. They got into Ivy League schools at 16 or 17, never had boyfriends/girlfriends, did dozens of sports and extracurricular activities, etc. etc.

I'm pretty used to being treated differently in my family anyway. My dad was the youngest boy and 3rd youngest child, yet had the second grandchild... with a stripper out of wedlock no less.
I'm used to being patronized because they feel like my life is so tragic. I just feel like this will be the last straw.

I really wish my family could truly love me and accept me for who I am and my lack of desire to live my life straight out of their book:
Straight A's in school, amazing college out of state, marry a man with the same background in a Catholic church, and have a grade A successful career. Big house, church going, 3 darling, obedient children, etc.

It makes me feel like nothing I do is right. That I'm just a failure and that's all I'll ever be.

Thank God for my mom and her family. I get the exact opposite vibe from them.

As a professional I can not say what I see in some homes but I have been in many a MCmansions.

I will say this they may have perfect landscaping but the foundation of the home sure is screwed up.

0

PerlaDelMar

New York, New York

#15

Feb 01, 2012 @ 19:35:24

@Kristy69 Said

I do. I feel like everything I do lately is to them.
I didn't go to college right away (though I work over 40 hours a week). I let my boyfriend move in (oh heavens no) 2 months before my 18th birthday. And now I'm pregnant at 19 (they don't know yet).

I just feel like my dad's family is going to turn their backs on me because I'm not like my cousins. They got into Ivy League schools at 16 or 17, never had boyfriends/girlfriends, did dozens of sports and extracurricular activities, etc. etc.

I'm pretty used to being treated differently in my family anyway. My dad was the youngest boy and 3rd youngest child, yet had the second grandchild... with a stripper out of wedlock no less.
I'm used to being patronized because they feel like my life is so tragic. I just feel like this will be the last straw.

I really wish my family could truly love me and accept me for who I am and my lack of desire to live my life straight out of their book:
Straight A's in school, amazing college out of state, marry a man with the same background in a Catholic church, and have a grade A successful career. Big house, church going, 3 darling, obedient children, etc.

It makes me feel like nothing I do is right. That I'm just a failure and that's all I'll ever be.

Thank God for my mom and her family. I get the exact opposite vibe from them.

I was your age when I had my eldest son. I felt like I let my parents down, especially my dad. My mother was the one who pushed real hard and was never affectionate, but my dad was. It hurt me more where my dad was concerned. The day I got married, he kissed me and hugged me, yet there was such a look of sadness in his eyes. I'll never forget it.

I know that my mom and dad love me, but I know that THEY felt that they must have failed me somehow because of the direction that I went. We can have the best parents we know, but it is hard for them to let go and let us grow up. They cannot keep us safe all of our lives, eventually we make our own choices.

OP, the possibilities are endless for you. You can be whatever you want to be. Going to school will always be there, so you can always go when you are ready. These days, even colleges have daycare for the students. Just don't let someone else's feelings control the decisions you make. It is hard, but now your family is going to have to recognize you as an adult, who is about to become a mother.

Good luck, and feel better.

1

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