Guard Work

"Ok, you, Slow & Dumpy. I want you to stand right here all dressed up like you're really something to worry about.

You see those really large gang members over there? One of them used the word "s***" in public.

We need to keep "bad" words "bad" so that we always have a way to relieve anger and if everyone openly uses "bad" words all the time, we will no longer have anything to shout when we stub our toes.

So in righteous retaliation, I'm going over there with this here stick in my hand and I'm gonna kaddidle them all about their nutsacks.

This is gonna piss of 'em off royal, so when you see me tearing past you screaming like a four-year-girl on fire, I want you to throw your entire sloppy body at them to slow them down so that I can get away."

But...you're an Electric Flying Monkey of Doom

This is actually pretty funny. Source?

Originated from me.

I've done guard work for a few years now and this pretty much sums the job up.

lol, well good job

I'm better at making fun of guards than I am actually being a guard.