this guy into a doctor and says, 'Doctor, doctor u gotta help me'

i just cant stop a having a sex.
well,how do often do u have it, his doctor asks. well,twice a day i have sex with my wife, he answered back.
thats not much, says the doctor. yes but not that all, Twice a day i have sex with my secretary, twice a day replies the man.
well that is probably a bit excessive, says the doctor.
yes but not thats all, Twice a day i have sex with a prostitute, twice a day, says the man.
well, that definetly too much, says the doctor.
you ve got to learn to take yourself in hand.
i do says the man, Twice a day

maybe it was me but it read a bit on the dyslexic side...
I didn't get it

There's Nothing wrong with you Juan. It's the way Dan tells em, if only we could throw rotten fruit at him.

This was more than a little goofed up as far as punctuation is concerned, but the dude "takes matters in his own hands" meaning self love.