mid-life

midlife midlife is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. this gives us plenty of time to care for our newly a acquire mustache.

midlife women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans, we are flying squirrels in drag.

midlife has hit when you stand in the front of the mirror and can see your rear without turn around.

midlife is when you bounce ( a lot ), but you don't bounce back. it's more like splat !

midlife is when you want to grab every firm your lovely in a tube top and scream, " listen, honey, even the roman empire fell and those things will too ! "

midlife is when you realize that if you were a dog, you would need a control top flea collar.

midlife is when you go to a doctor and you realize you are so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

you know you are getting old when you for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in a film.

midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.

midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. you look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and thinks, " for this i stretch marks ?"

midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water.

the good news about midlife is that the glass is still half-full. of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before you teeth are floating in it.

it's very hard to " get jiggy with it " in midlife. jiggy, yes; jiggy, no.

midlife is when your 1970's, body-by-jake now includes legs-by-Rand McNally ( more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of wisconsin).

midlife is when you starts to repeat yourself and your chins follow suit.

you become more reflective in midlife. you start ponding the " big " questions: what is life, why am i here, and how much healthy choice ice cream can i eat before it's no longer a healthy choice ? - author unknown

Hilarious.