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The Truth And Only The Truth So Help Me Magical Man In The Sky

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Kels8786 On December 02, 2011




Montgomery,
#1New Post! Aug 05, 2010 @ 14:55:23
I posted a thread about my father being against my relationship with the black man I am currently dating. So when I got a call from him I had obviously been crying and was upset and when he asked what was wrong I explained to him what had transpired.

He was quiet a moment then asked me not to come as to keep my father from kicking me out. I told him that regardless of what my father feels thinks and does I have no intentions of changing who I am and what I do to keep him happy. Then he said that maybe I should have said I was going to Philly to visit a girl friend. It was then my turn for a pause after which I simply said Austin I refuse to lie about what I am doing.

He has a valid point in thinking I should fib about my true reasons for going to Philly to make getting there easier... but I am not someone who likes to lie. I am not ashamed of him and I feel as though I would end up pissing my father off even more by telling him a lie that he would eventually figure out.

I hate lies and liars and I was not under the impression that Austin condoned them either. It startled me to think he might lie to get his way and though I have no clue whether he has ever lied to me I hope he was only saying it in hindsight.

Also I feel like if I would have lied to my father it would show Austin that I was not serious about being with him. That I would not stand up to those who are ignorant enough to still believe people of different races and backgrounds shouldn't be together. I feel that I showed him and my father that I will stand up for those I care about and for my beliefs.

What do you think should I have lied to make my situation easier or is it good to always stick to the truth no matter how hard?

And....

Is his suggestion that I should have lied about who I was going to see a warning signal for me about his ability to be honest?
sTreetAngeL On January 24, 2022
root tedt ree





in a paradox,
#2New Post! Aug 05, 2010 @ 15:14:55
I think your guy has just had more hard knocks in life than you; and he realizes the benefits of not telling the 'absolute truth' at all times. - You ARE entitled to your privacy you know, and your own life.

If your father is trying to run your life, than in this instance, telling an 'untruth' seems the smartest thing to do.

Although lies are lies no matter what!...supposedly! - I disagree!
As long as the lie is not malicious/and or is meant to 'help' a person, or make your situaton better somehow, then apply it as needed.

To be absolutely truthful to the letter at all times is simply stupid, in my opinion.

Last: I don't think at all your boyfriend should be judged negatively on this.
I don't think at all it means he's prone to lying at the drop of a hat, or for 'any' reason at all...
He just understands more of what the world/and people are about. Changing things is nearly impossible. But yourself? Well that you have control over.
Kels8786 On December 02, 2011




Montgomery,
#3New Post! Aug 05, 2010 @ 17:21:03
@sTreetAngeL Said

I think your guy has just had more hard knocks in life than you; and he realizes the benefits of not telling the 'absolute truth' at all times. - You ARE entitled to your privacy you know, and your own life.

If your father is trying to run your life, than in this instance, telling an 'untruth' seems the smartest thing to do.

Although lies are lies no matter what!...supposedly! - I disagree!
As long as the lie is not malicious/and or is meant to 'help' a person, or make your situaton better somehow, then apply it as needed.

To be absolutely truthful to the letter at all times is simply stupid, in my opinion.

Last: I don't think at all your boyfriend should be judged negatively on this.
I don't think at all it means he's prone to lying at the drop of a hat, or for 'any' reason at all...
He just understands more of what the world/and people are about. Changing things is nearly impossible. But yourself? Well that you have control over.


So you think that a lie is okay if the liar can justify it lol how does one know when a lie is appropriate I think once you start to lie then you are most likely going to have to lie some more to keep the first covered up. And how could one ever trust you if you lie when you find that it suits your purposes.

But I agree people don't change but pretending to believe something I don't or living a lie or two seperate lives in order to keep someone you love happy doesn't make sense to me. Maybe once in a great while a lie can be justified but that is definitely not the norm.

I also agree that his life has been a lot tougher from mine from what I can tell since he doesn't talk about it very often. So maybe my sheltered life is what makes me feel the way that I do.
sTreetAngeL On January 24, 2022
root tedt ree





in a paradox,
#4New Post! Aug 05, 2010 @ 17:35:41
@Kels8786 Said

So you think that a lie is okay if the liar can justify it lol how does one know when a lie is appropriate I think once you start to lie then you are most likely going to have to lie some more to keep the first covered up. And how could one ever trust you if you lie when you find that it suits your purposes.

But I agree people don't change but pretending to believe something I don't or living a lie or two seperate lives in order to keep someone you love happy doesn't make sense to me. Maybe once in a great while a lie can be justified but that is definitely not the norm.

I also agree that his life has been a lot tougher from mine from what I can tell since he doesn't talk about it very often. So maybe my sheltered life is what makes me feel the way that I do.



If you feel that strongly, then by all means, live and learn! I know I did...tis where the advice is coming from.

If you truly don't mind being kicked out of your father's house, because you won't bend to his ways, then absolutely go for it!

If on the other hand getting kicked out will effect your life adversely, then still you might want to tell him the truth at all costs?
That will show him?
Kels8786 On December 02, 2011




Montgomery,
#5New Post! Aug 05, 2010 @ 17:42:33
@sTreetAngeL Said

If you feel that strongly, then by all means, live and learn! I know I did...tis where the advice is coming from.

If you truly don't mind being kicked out of your father's house, because you won't bend to his ways, then absolutely go for it!

If on the other hand getting kicked out will effect your life adversely, then still you might want to tell him the truth at all costs?
That will show him?



I think there is a misconception I am not telling the truth out of rebellion as I do not date someone of another color to piss my parents off. I am not trying to show anyone anything I simply feel that a lie will most likely end up being more work then telling the truth.

I also feel that once someone finds out that you lied about one thing what has stopped you from telling a lie about another. That ends up wit a person no one is willing or able to trust. This is simply how I feel I do not tell the truth of the situation to my father to get a shock from him.

I do not get pleasure from making him mad but at the same time I don't feel as if this situation was drastic enough for me to have to lie to begin with. I didn't realize he was so opposed to black people to begin with I am not one to lie if asked a direct question though I may avoid certain details if no question was asked.
someone_else On August 30, 2012
Not a dude.


Deleted



American Alps, Washington
#6New Post! Aug 05, 2010 @ 17:44:28
@Kels8786 Said

I posted a thread about my father being against my relationship with the black man I am currently dating. So when I got a call from him I had obviously been crying and was upset and when he asked what was wrong I explained to him what had transpired.

He was quiet a moment then asked me not to come as to keep my father from kicking me out. I told him that regardless of what my father feels thinks and does I have no intentions of changing who I am and what I do to keep him happy. Then he said that maybe I should have said I was going to Philly to visit a girl friend. It was then my turn for a pause after which I simply said Austin I refuse to lie about what I am doing.

He has a valid point in thinking I should fib about my true reasons for going to Philly to make getting there easier... but I am not someone who likes to lie. I am not ashamed of him and I feel as though I would end up pissing my father off even more by telling him a lie that he would eventually figure out.

I hate lies and liars and I was not under the impression that Austin condoned them either. It startled me to think he might lie to get his way and though I have no clue whether he has ever lied to me I hope he was only saying it in hindsight.

Also I feel like if I would have lied to my father it would show Austin that I was not serious about being with him. That I would not stand up to those who are ignorant enough to still believe people of different races and backgrounds shouldn't be together. I feel that I showed him and my father that I will stand up for those I care about and for my beliefs.

What do you think should I have lied to make my situation easier or is it good to always stick to the truth no matter how hard?

And....

Is his suggestion that I should have lied about who I was going to see a warning signal for me about his ability to be honest?


Without knowing him personally, I think he was just trying to find a way that you could still have your relationship with your father and still do what you want to do. On the other hand, he may have only suggested that to see if you would be willing to keep him a secret...just to see where you stood.

That being said, you may want to keep an eye on who he does lie to and why. What you say in your next post (which I'm not quoting) is true. If you lie about something that is going to face you every single day, you're going to have to keep lying about it.

The truth is really the easiest way to go, even if the circumstances become difficult because of it. If your father is willing to disown you because of who you love, sadly, that's his loss and hopefully he'll come to realize it.
plebian_angel On April 25, 2012
Intergalactic hussy





a great future,
#7New Post! Aug 05, 2010 @ 17:46:13
I can understand wanting you to tell your dad. I kept Maxi a secret for months and it about killed me keeping quiet, like I was trying to keep him hidden when it fact that wasn't right. My mom just is VERY judgmental and honestly she took the news of him better than I thought.
You have to do what is right for YOU and what you can live with.
sTreetAngeL On January 24, 2022
root tedt ree





in a paradox,
#8New Post! Aug 05, 2010 @ 17:51:56
@Kels8786 Said

I think there is a misconception I am not telling the truth out of rebellion as I do not date someone of another color to piss my parents off. I am not trying to show anyone anything I simply feel that a lie will most likely end up being more work then telling the truth.

I also feel that once someone finds out that you lied about one thing what has stopped you from telling a lie about another. That ends up wit a person no one is willing or able to trust. This is simply how I feel I do not tell the truth of the situation to my father to get a shock from him.

I do not get pleasure from making him mad but at the same time I don't feel as if this situation was drastic enough for me to have to lie to begin with. I didn't realize he was so opposed to black people to begin with I am not one to lie if asked a direct question though I may avoid certain details if no question was asked.



My personal feelings are such that I prefer not to lie either.

I never thought for a second you were doing it out of rebellion. I don't know why you would think I meant that.

I just meant, that to make life 'easier' for yourself, - as you plan to continue to date this guy regardless of your father's feelings, that you may consider withholding the information from him.
Why get yourself kicked out of your home? Especially when your boyfriend understands this apparently?....the problems for you that this can cause...I'm guessing financially?

All I'm saying is, the 'absolute truth' in some cases, does not always work. And to have our way, we sometimes have to let others think we are giving them their, not out of deception, but to keep the peace.
Kels8786 On December 02, 2011




Montgomery,
#9New Post! Aug 05, 2010 @ 17:52:24
@plebian_angel Said

I can understand wanting you to tell your dad. I kept Maxi a secret for months and it about killed me keeping quiet, like I was trying to keep him hidden when it fact that wasn't right. My mom just is VERY judgmental and honestly she took the news of him better than I thought.
You have to do what is right for YOU and what you can live with.



It's not really that I wanted to tell him it was simply he asked me and I answered. My parents don't know a lot of what I do in my life I don't hide it but I don't make a point to tell them either. But as I said if they ask I don't lie I found that it can be hard but it seems to be the best policy and that I gain some respect after my father as had a chance to process the information lol he is very slow at this part. I feel like I am a super computer and he is a rock n chisel lol. I am glad your mom handled your situation better than my father did mine lol.
Kels8786 On December 02, 2011




Montgomery,
#10New Post! Aug 05, 2010 @ 17:54:21
@sTreetAngeL Said

My personal feelings are such that I prefer not to lie either.

I never thought for a second you were doing it out of rebellion. I don't know why you would think I meant that.

I just meant, that to make life 'easier' for yourself, - as you plan to continue to date this guy regardless of your father's feelings, that you may consider withholding the information from him.
Why get yourself kicked out of your home? Especially when your boyfriend understands this apparently?....the problems for you that this can cause...I'm guessing financially?

All I'm saying is, the 'absolute truth' in some cases, does not always work. And to have our way, we sometimes have to let others think we are giving them their, not out of deception, but to keep the peace.



Ahhh I see what you are saying i misunderstood your point. We are on the same page I think lol
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