A wake before the funeral..

A friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer last year.

They have exhausted all methods of recovery and are beginning preperations for her death.

She has requested a wake before she passes away, feeling that she wants to be present when all her loved ones say their last goodbyes and would like the chance to see everyone she has known through out her life, one last time.

Her idea is to post an invite on Facebook/Twitter etc to find everyone she would otherwise miss.

Noone has challenged her idea, as they all feel her last wishes should be carried out, obviously.

However, her husband has expressed his concerns to me, and asked what i think.
I think he expects me to discuss it with her.

He feels it would be a bad idea as he has an image of 2,000 people showing up for something that would inevitably end miserably.
I guess he feels 2,000 sad people in one room is not very conductive for a party atmosphere.

He thinks posting invites on the net is tacky and I also believe he may be still hanging onto the hope she will have a miraculous recovery, making her wake a mockery when she lives.

What do others think?
Bad idea, or give the lady her last wish already?

I think she should have what she desires, regardless. But her husband is clearly an important person in the matter after all..

Hmm, it seems that would be a rather uncomfortable thing to participate in.

So you think bad idea??

Do you think we have the right to say that to her though, given the circumstances?

I have heard of this kind of thing before, however, i do agree it will be pretty awkward..

I just think its not about us, its about her..

Rather than posting an invite on the Internet why not just invite close friends and make it a more personal event.

A compromise would work for my conscience.

However, I think the point is to see everyone, like a renunion.

I actually love this idea.

Being a gay man who lived through the 70's, 80's, and 90's, I've have been really happy to hear from my friends who decided that it was time for them to go, rather than hear from their partners and friends that they'd already gone.

I'll always take the chance to tell someone that I'm happy that I know them, over telling other people how happy I was to have known them.

I'm so glad you brought this up, because I'd never thought of it. If I have the same opportunity, I'll do the same.

Wakes can actually be a very theraputic thing. I've never really heard of one happing when the person was still alive, but in essence a wake is to celebrate the life one had and lived, so really what better way to do it then with the person who the wake is for anyways.

Not sure I would I want it posted on facebook and twitter, but if it's the wish of the person then I feel it should be honered.

my aunt had a similar event..i think she just wanted to see everyone she loved in an environment outside of a hospital... i thought of it as a celebration of life and the fact that she was going home why not spend the last moments of life with family laughing and having a goodtime

Its highly unusual to say the least. But I dont think her husband or anyone else should have a say in the matter. They may feel awkward or whatever but imagine what shes going through. I guess shes thought about it alot and wondered who if anyone might show up and wants to be conscious for the whole thing.
You did say this was a terminal illness? So why not give not just them but her the opportunity to say a final goodby. Like I said its unusual but not a bad idea. Who knows it might catch on and others in the same boat may want the same.
Why should the husband be sad or whatever with the idea. He cant run or hide from the inevitable.

I think you should change the terminology to start with. Instead of calling it a wake which brings visions of a funeral home atmosphere, definitely call it a reunion or celebration. Actually, the word 'gathering' sounds even better.

Then go the old route of invitations. Which, if used, will surely bring home the point to the recipients that this is it - and they best come. Now or never sorta thing. She'll enjoy designing that. She can of course blast a notice on facebook in that regard, but only as an aside. Never know who might turn up.

I'd suggest an outside venue as opposed to some stuffy indoor location and definitely hold it during the daytime. Nights are far too 'serious' for what she seems to want.

I agree with the language thing, calling it a gathering rather than a wake sounds potentially less uncomfortable.