I've lost my bounce..

@kaydoh Said

Like most people my age I have had my share of relationships, most have been quite long, a couple of years here, three years there and the longest one eight years plus some fun times in between.

I never had a problem getting back on the horse so to speak, you live, learn and move on.

Now though it's just different. I've been single for two years and it's been my own choice to be so. I just don't have the drive to put myself through the heartache of another relationship. It's not as though I am pining after any past relationship or anything like that. They are all ex's for a reason and I have no regrets about ending those relationships.

I wouldn't say I never get lonely, I do sometimes. Occasionaly we all need some love and support but by and large I just can't get my head around being with someone again but at the same time don't want to end up a lonely miserable old hag.
I find myself not taking the effort with my appearance that I have always done in the past and I think that's a conscious decision to not make myself look too attractive as I can't be doing with fending people off.

I know I need to sort myself out. I just don't no where to start.
How do I get my bounce back and start thinking more positevly about men and relationships??

@TrOoPs Said

actually....bet we get thrown out!

@amelie3 Said

I know exactly what you mean, I'm in a similar situation. Atm I am largely unexcited about dating, but I'm sure that's a temporary state of mind. It's a self - protective mechanism for many. Let's face it, after you have had your lion's share of disappointments, it's easy to get a little jaded.

Now that I have 20 years of dating under my belt, I'm starting to understand that love, in fact, doesn't change everything, doesn't fix all your problems. Dating was a lot more exciting to me when I was in my 20's, & thought love was the cure-all for everything. Now that I'm more realistic about life, love, and men, dating doesn't hold the huge romantic appeal it did for me.

Technically my realism should help me to better find the guy I'm suited to. I wouldn't say no to it if it came along, but for the moment, I'm too exhausted to go searching for him. I still adore men -I think they are fantastic creatures - but because they aren't on a pedastal for me anymore, I guess I'm searching for different ways to be happy.

@lilbear Said

IMO you don't need anyone to complete YOU!

If you're content with yourself and your company then there's nothing wrong with that.

Being in a relationship is sometimes sooooooooo overrated!

I'd rather be single and lonely once in a while then in a relationship and be lonely.

Pros and Cons to both and it's just that "Loneliness". Just how far do we want to take it with a partner just to think we're never going to be lonely again?

Write down a list of Pros and Cons to both a relationship and being single and see what that tells you. Being with someone is sometimes harder than being by yourself.

@kaydoh Said

Part of me just thinks that having a guy in my life now would bring more stress than happiness.

@kaydoh Said

I totally agree which is why I have stayed single for so long, but I dont want to be alone forever. I'm 36 and I feel like I'm gonna regret wasting these years when i am older

@kaydoh Said

with our mud packs still on..

@lilbear Said

Wasting? Why would it be a waste without a man in your life?

We are women and just think of all the things you can do without consulting anyone about any one of them.

And if you do find someone, is he going to be there for you? Are you going to be happy with him? It's all a gamble and in the end we all die alone or with friends, family, children etc... Why does it have to be a man?

Get a roommate!

@lilbear Said

IMO you don't need anyone to complete YOU!

If you're content with yourself and your company then there's nothing wrong with that.

Being in a relationship is sometimes sooooooooo overrated!

I'd rather be single and lonely once in a while then in a relationship and be lonely.

Pros and Cons to both and it's just that "Loneliness". Just how far do we want to take it with a partner just to think we're never going to be lonely again?

Write down a list of Pros and Cons to both a relationship and being single and see what that tells you. Being with someone is sometimes harder than being by yourself.

@amelie3 Said

I feel the same way. I suspect that if some guy came along now, I would feel like I had 'heard it all' if that makes sense. I would be looking downb the track to work out what might go wrong, and be trying to avoid that.

In truth kaydoh, I think perhaps we've just been unlucky so far. I have to take the lion's share of the blame for some of my choices too. In the past it's like I ignored what was important to me just because I really really liked the guy.

For the moment I hope that you will do what I'm trying to do, which is look after myself. In no time I'm sure I will be married with kmids and all those things I want, and perhaps look back and realise how lucky I was to have some single years to enjoy too. I'm sure you are far wiser for your experiences and that you will meet someone fantastic too. Until then, I'm going to enjoy my time alone and do things for me that I want to achieve - things I often forget about when I am head over heels with someone.

@kaydoh Said

Actually i didnt really mean wasted cos i wasnt with a man, i really meant wasted cos I was hiding myself away from life in general.