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Should I have replied?

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crazychica On March 13, 2011
A taste of insanity





Aberdeen, United Kingdom
#1New Post! May 23, 2009 @ 22:41:29
Not sure if I should have put this in here but it seems right.

Well a few of you know the story of my first love. Basically thanks to the Christian cult his parents were members of (who have a nice, often quoted song about what happens to non-members) we could never go out. So for years I never told him who I felt about him, but anyone who saw us together immediately assumed we were going out. So about 2 years ago, just after we finished high school, his parents (who controlled almost every detail of his life) decreed that he couldn't hang out with any non-believers any more. He called us all his "sacrifice to Jesus" which stung even more than when he had an online "girlfriend" (a safe bet since he'd never actually meet her in person).

After a few months, I emailed him telling him that if he ever needed to talk about anything, he had my address. We emailed back and forth for a while, then the emails suddenly stopped. I won't lie, I hated him for a while because he was putting me through so much. I still don't think I'm really over him.

We had no contact until a few weeks ago, he sent me a joke. I read it and deleted it. But I keep thinking, should I have replied. Should I have emailed him?
iliterate_enginere On February 12, 2010

Deleted



Wichita, Kansas
#2New Post! May 23, 2009 @ 23:01:13
@crazychica Said

Not sure if I should have put this in here but it seems right.

Well a few of you know the story of my first love. Basically thanks to the Christian cult his parents were members of (who have a nice, often quoted song about what happens to non-members) we could never go out. So for years I never told him who I felt about him, but anyone who saw us together immediately assumed we were going out. So about 2 years ago, just after we finished high school, his parents (who controlled almost every detail of his life) decreed that he couldn't hang out with any non-believers any more. He called us all his "sacrifice to Jesus" which stung even more than when he had an online "girlfriend" (a safe bet since he'd never actually meet her in person).

After a few months, I emailed him telling him that if he ever needed to talk about anything, he had my address. We emailed back and forth for a while, then the emails suddenly stopped. I won't lie, I hated him for a while because he was putting me through so much. I still don't think I'm really over him.

We had no contact until a few weeks ago, he sent me a joke. I read it and deleted it. But I keep thinking, should I have replied. Should I have emailed him?


Sounds to me like you're actually angry at his parents and also at him for allowing them to control him, not the Christian religion unless you're stereotyping. I don't see the harm in replying to see how he is and if he's still letting mommy and daddy control him.
crazychica On March 13, 2011
A taste of insanity





Aberdeen, United Kingdom
#3New Post! May 23, 2009 @ 23:04:57
@iliterate_enginere Said

Sounds to me like you're actually angry at his parents and also at him for allowing them to control him, not the Christian religion unless you're stereotyping. I don't see the harm in replying to see how he is and if he's still letting mommy and daddy control him.



But the thing is, I'm not sure if I want him back in my life. I miss him but he was always a spineless, arrogant little git. I'm not stereotyping the whole of Christianity but I did some research on the specific group he belonged to. It wasn't so great. I think it's a bit late now anyway
sunandsurf13 On June 29, 2009

Deleted



Sydney, Australia
#4New Post! May 23, 2009 @ 23:05:39
You could have.....but what for? More emails? until he gently reminded you that he couldn't talk to you because you are a non-believer? and make you feel like s*** all over again?

If it was & is true love for him also, he has your address & he will make it clear that 1. he is free of the cult and his parents influence 2. he cares about you as much as you care about him.

Until then, this guy is sadly, not worthy of your energy and your passion. I do feel some sympathy for this guy as I assume he knows no different reality from the one his parents have insisted on. i wonder if you realise how lucky you are that you WEREN'T allowed to date him. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but this whole scenario is one that you are very lucky to be far away from.
incognito On February 26, 2010
Giddy In The Pants


Deleted



, Canada
#5New Post! May 23, 2009 @ 23:12:38
@sunandsurf13 Said

You could have.....but what for? More emails? until he gently reminded you that he couldn't talk to you because you are a non-believer? and make you feel like s*** all over again?

If it was & is true love for him also, he has your address & he will make it clear that 1. he is free of the cult and his parents influence 2. he cares about you as much as you care about him.

Until then, this guy is sadly, not worthy of your energy and your passion. I do feel some sympathy for this guy as I assume he knows no different reality from the one his parents have insisted on. i wonder if you realise how lucky you are that you WEREN'T allowed to date him. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but this whole scenario is one that you are very lucky to be far away from.


So true!!
crazychica On March 13, 2011
A taste of insanity





Aberdeen, United Kingdom
#6New Post! May 23, 2009 @ 23:18:52
@sunandsurf13 Said

You could have.....but what for? More emails? until he gently reminded you that he couldn't talk to you because you are a non-believer? and make you feel like s*** all over again?

If it was & is true love for him also, he has your address & he will make it clear that 1. he is free of the cult and his parents influence 2. he cares about you as much as you care about him.

Until then, this guy is sadly, not worthy of your energy and your passion. I do feel some sympathy for this guy as I assume he knows no different reality from the one his parents have insisted on. i wonder if you realise how lucky you are that you WEREN'T allowed to date him. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but this whole scenario is one that you are very lucky to be far away from.



Thanks. I guess it's just that I miss him. We were so close. If I was ever in a mood or upset, he would play me November Rain by Guns and Roses, sit me down and give me a hug. I remember one time just feeling so happy. It was just the two of us sitting in an empty classroom at lunch time. I'd had a crappy day. November Rain was playing out the speakers he'd connected his iPod to, he had has arm around me and I was leaning my head on his shoulder. I was so happy I couldn't even think why I'd been upset. I miss that.
sunandsurf13 On June 29, 2009

Deleted



Sydney, Australia
#7New Post! May 23, 2009 @ 23:24:48
@crazychica Said

Thanks. I guess it's just that I miss him. We were so close. If I was ever in a mood or upset, he would play me November Rain by Guns and Roses, sit me down and give me a hug. I remember one time just feeling so happy. It was just the two of us sitting in an empty classroom at lunch time. I'd had a crappy day. November Rain was playing out the speakers he'd connected his iPod to, he had has arm around me and I was leaning my head on his shoulder. I was so happy I couldn't even think why I'd been upset. I miss that. [/QUO


You'll find it again. With someone who doesn't have so many restrictions on him and so much baggage. Believe me, there a lot of fantastic guys out there.
crazychica On March 13, 2011
A taste of insanity





Aberdeen, United Kingdom
#8New Post! May 23, 2009 @ 23:26:58
Thanks Surf. I hope so.
trillian On May 06, 2010




derbyshire, United Kingdom
#9New Post! May 23, 2009 @ 23:42:17
he cant talk to you cos you are an unbeliver?? what sort of mess up f***ed up s*** is that?
if he cant be friends with you because he likes you then he isnt worth the worry. find someone who is worthy of your attention
sunandsurf13 On June 29, 2009

Deleted



Sydney, Australia
#10New Post! May 23, 2009 @ 23:45:00
@trillian Said

he cant talk to you cos you are an unbeliver?? what sort of mess up f***ed up s*** is that?



Trllian is dead on. That's cults for you, messed up s*** is right.
crazychica On March 13, 2011
A taste of insanity





Aberdeen, United Kingdom
#11New Post! May 24, 2009 @ 13:29:34
@trillian Said

he cant talk to you cos you are an unbeliver?? what sort of mess up f***ed up s*** is that?
if he cant be friends with you because he likes you then he isnt worth the worry. find someone who is worthy of your attention



@sunandsurf13 Said

Trllian is dead on. That's cults for you, messed up s*** is right.



It's his parents' beliefs but I guess you're right. He's been totally indotrinated.
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