blowing in the wind

A guy sits in front of TV all day, farting like there's no tommorrow.
But not just gassy airish farts, I'm talking mega greasy wet ones, the kind that would make your dog puke.

The wife, understandably is angry as f**k, and says: "one day Honey, you are gonna fart your guts out."

THe next Sunday, as wife is preparing Turkey for sunday lunch, Hubbie falls asleep.

THe wife spies an opportunity to get her own back, so she takes the innards of the turkey and places them in the underwear her husband is wearing.
She then went back to cooking the turkey. Later on that night, her husband came to the dinner table looking very frightened.


"What happened?" asked his wife.


"Well," the man said, "you were right. I farted my guts out."


"What did you do?" asked his wife.


"Well with the Grace of God and these two fingers I got 'em all back up in there!"

thats sick! lol

A Belch is just one gust of wind,
That cometh from thy Heart...
But should it take the downward trend,
It turns into a Fart

WHEN YOU SHOULD NEVER FART:

1. Inside a crowded Lift.

2. Inside a public library.

3. On a crowded train.

4. Whilst giving a speech.
5. In Church.

6. Whilst on a date.

7. In a packed lecture theatre.

8. In your office.

9. At a cinema.

10. In a walk-in freezer - it'll linger a while

11. In a ticket line.

13. On an airplane.

14. During confession

15. In the bed, whilst feeling frisky.

16. In bed when you're feeling frisky

17. While fighting fire in a burning building

19. In a patrol car for a minor violation

WHEN TO FART:

1. Bosses office as you are about to leave. - best to make sure it's silent but violent.

2. In a bathroom.

3. In the cashiers line - it's bound to speed things up.

4. The empty elevator before you get off.

5. Beside an occupied dressing room - no doubt it'll quickly become unnocupied.

6. Your co-workers cubicle at the office.

7. When deep sea diving.

8. Back seat of the Police Mobile after being arrested.

9. In your car if you've been carjacked.

10. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors.

...Baaahahahahahahahaha! Nice!... Baaahahahahahahaha!

I don't know if it is a true story I have hear, but I was told it was. Anyways...

A guy has been eating all sorta things that creates gass, corn and cabbage etc. and he is spening the nigth in an overcrowded place, so he has to sleep in a little closet. The closet has no vent's, and so the guy dies from lack of oxygen caused by the amount of methane realized.

thats nasty. i thought i was gonna puke when i read it

Yup..That would kill ya alright...