Insurance Company Jokes

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
"We don't need any one," they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anytime any thing."
"We have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job."

He was gone for about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for a $80,000 policy and another for a $50,000 policy.
"How in the world did you do that," they asked.
"I told you I'm the world's best salesman, I can sell anyone anywhere anytime."
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked. "Well, if you sell a policy over $40,000 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."

He was gone for about eight hours and then he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine and sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. Brown's and this one is Mr. Smith's."
"That's good," they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"
"Well, I passed by the school house and they were having a state teachers convention and I sold them a group policy!"

Car Insurance Excuses

1.The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
2.The accident occured when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
3.I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
4.Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
5.The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
6.As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeard in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
7.The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.
8.An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.
9.I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand through it.
10.To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
11.A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
12.The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over.
13.I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

lol fakers!!!

Three guys are fishing in the Caribbean. One guy says, "I had a terrible fire; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here."
The second guy says, "I had a terrible explosion; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here."

The third guy says, "What a coincidence. I had a terrible flood; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here."

The other guys turned to him with confusion and asked, "Flood? How do you start a flood?"

I laughed so hard at the excuses my sides hurt
Lol still laughin!!!
Funniest thing I've read in a while