Having a very hard time with break up

I broke up with my bf 3 months ago. I feel i had good reason to. He didnt treat me right - he has issues of his own. He is a drug addict and an alcoholic, as well as an angry, violent and abusive person - towards me he has only ever been verbally abusive.

Today marks 91 days of no contact with him. He broke NC after day 1 and he has been doing several drive bys past my place. Also around Day 60 he sent me a message making it look like it was intended for someone else which i didnt repsond to - he later messaged saying he was sorry it was intended for someone else. I am not so sure, i think it might've been him trying to open the lines of communication.

I miss him terribly and having a very hard time dealing with this break up and no contact.

Does anyone here think his indirect approach to trying to get in contact with me is a sign he to is hurting and wanting contact or perhaps to work things out?

Of course he's hurting, he wants the control back. You can't help him until he helps himself. Sounds like his issues are pretty heavy duty. It's more about possession and control. If you can find a support group for yourself it may help. Controlling men and women are master manipulators; please try not to play this game.I don't think that you can get the best relationship advice that will help you in the long term here. Treat this as a sounding board where you can vent and try a crisis center or counseling. I wish you the best with this very hard struggle. You'll get treated poorly if you think that's what you deserve, aren't you worth more than that?

I too have been in a relationship like that he was also an addicted to EVERYTHING. I loved him very much. I couldn't stand the way he treated me it was so bad and made me feel bad about myself. So one day I decided I had enough and broke up with him.. He kept calling and sending friends that we shared to try to get me to come back to him. Promising he would change and try to drink less and do less drugs and start treating me with respect so I gave in and went back out with him. It wasnt 2 weeks later. He was back to the same ol s*** except it only got worse. He started beating on my for no reason even in front of his children. One day he threw me up again the wall putting me in the hospital with cracked rips and other injuries. After that he told me he was so sorry he loved me and would never want to hurt me.. He vowed to quit drinking that day. I was afraid to leave him and he did quit drinking...for a little while.. It started back up and I told him if he hit me again I'd have him killed ( not really but ya know) he ended up getting drunk and cheating on me. When I found out about it I broke it off, which i got a pretty good little a** kicking for but it was so worth it. I changed my phone number email and ended up even having to change jobs. I cut off all ties with friends that we shared which sucked to lose friends but I had to get away from the guy. I later heard that he was doing the same thing to his new girl. But anyway what I am trying to say is no matter how many times a guy or person for that matter tells you that they are going to change chances are they aren't. Always remember that everything happens for a reason. And like my mother always says This too shall pass. I have now found myself a wonderful man who is very good to me...we got married in sept and I couldnt be happier. There are other fish in the sea my dear dont waste all ur time on someone not worthy of ur time.

id phone the police

I don't want this to come across harsh at all but if he really really REALLY wanted to get you back he would have tried alot harder than driving past your house and sending you a text that was meant for someone else. If he was aggressive and posessive in your relationship then I would assume he's one of those guys who wouldn't want to see you with another guy.. My ex was like that, he was a body builder and steroids and he had violent moments and was cheating on me, but when i split up with him and he saw me with someone else he would go crazy and supposedly want me back.. I was stupid enough to believe him!

From the way you have described your ex I think it would be safe to say that you could do better and if he's still doing drugs and drinking then things aren't going to be different at all are they?!

Go out with friends, have fun and realise that life is better as a singleton rather than with someone who treats you badly. He's as ex for a reason, don't go back to him.

from what i read he doesn't seem to me good person to communicate with. i myself don't like the way he plays around. it is foolish behavior.
i do understand how painful it is after breaking up , i myself went through it. time will heal your agony.

you're mostly the one who gonna get hurt in the end. people who treat others badly , it's difficult for them to change it's because this is how they are. if i were in your shoe , i wouldn't go back to this guy despite the factit is hard.

good luck sweetie

https://www.theforumsite.com/users/readsalot/journal/51671

Here's the link on the type of man you're talking about and the responses of women who have gone through it. I wrote this after dealing with just such a man. Maybe it would help, it's a professional viewpoint, but I never counsel on line it would be unethical and not fair to you. If you recognize him in the journal page, maybe it will help.

It shouldn't matter to you if he is hurting right now, not to sound cold, but to put it bluntly.

He was abusive to you, and what should matter, is that 'you' are not hurting.

Time will heal him, - and help you as well..
don't let feelings of guilt, or a soft heart make you do something you will regret.

Maybe he will take this as a learning experience, and use it as a reason to get his act together.

Don't go back there, please.

Please listen to all of these very smart post above!

Listen to Reads, she is a very bright lady, the only piece of advise I can give at this moment, is do not the let the guilt of leaving, or pain of being alone, or the love you feel, make this dission for you. Stay true to yourself, and in the end, YOU will be happy!

I had to deal with someone similar to that. He smoked and did drugs, and it scared me sometimes at how little he really seemed to care. I personally never heard from him again after a bad conversation, but what happened to you... I know it has to be hard. Loving someone is hard, especially when they're like that. You've just got to push on. If he'd like to talk to you, let him fix himself and come back.

People DO NOT CHANGE, even if they come close to their demise.
If people were able to change, this world would not have as many problems as it does.

You said yourself you feel you had good reason and the reasons you pointed out should make you not want him and you need to get some self esteem and move thw f*** on he had you he lost you boo hoo for him Get out there and break some more hearts

Thanks everyone for your advice. I am really trying to make it through - one day at a time...