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i found out my ex boy friend is gay

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BelindaJones On December 21, 2008




, Canada
#31New Post! Dec 21, 2008 @ 05:16:42
You have got to be kidding me? in todays day and age and with all the education out there you have to ask that question? He did not just turn gay he IS gay, he was born that way, no matter how hard he tries to fight it no matter how hard you want to deny it HE IS GAY. Live with it
sunandsurf13 On June 29, 2009

Deleted



Sydney, Australia
#32New Post! Dec 21, 2008 @ 06:10:53
@chef_mia Said

im the kind of person who dosnt do relationships. but i worked with this fella and we got on really wel and started seeing each then began a year and a half relationship. but it didnt work out as he was really distant woth me at times and told me he was going to kill himself and i just couldn't understand him. but in the whole time we were together he never once seemed interested in sex. he said it was because ho respected me and wanted us to wait.

weve been finished 2 years and i haven't spoke to him since. i seen his brother and sister at a club the other nite and was telling me that my ex is now gay and that he has came out and is seeing a fella.

do u think he was gay before i stared going with him or did i turn him??

iv been wrecking my head since i found out but have no way of contacting him to talk to him


You didn't turn him gay. Impossible, in my opinion, to change from one sexuality preference to another. He was gay all along - perhaps didn't realise it, more likely, trying to hide it or perhaps supress it. Our sexual preferences are pretty much stamped in our DNA at birth.

This has happened to 2 of my female friends & both were very surprised as in both cases, they had a great sex life with the guys. One guy moved back and forth between being straight and gay, the other was a total shock to us all - but he said that he had always suspected himself.

Stop worrying.
sunandsurf13 On June 29, 2009

Deleted



Sydney, Australia
#33New Post! Dec 21, 2008 @ 06:16:30
@BelindaJones Said

You have got to be kidding me? in todays day and age and with all the education out there you have to ask that question? He did not just turn gay he IS gay, he was born that way, no matter how hard he tries to fight it no matter how hard you want to deny it HE IS GAY. Live with it



I agree with you, but I saw the OP's post differently. I didn't get the impression she was hoping he wasn't gay, or trying to deny it - she no longer has contact with him. I think that she is just questioning how it's possible for someone she thought was heterosexual - and who purported to be heterosexual, to actually be gay. Whatever way you look at it, the guy she was dating was not honest with her 100%. I can totally understand her confusion as she tries to reconcile who he is with what he seemed to be.

Unless you have gay male friends or personal experience in this, I think it's easy for heterosexual women to assume they may have played some part in the dramatic change in status quo. I agree it is their lack of understanding, but I don't think that's their fault. If you are dating a guy who purports to be straight, it's a dilemma you don't prepare yourself for.

I think some women in these situations believe that somehow, they were the catylyst in the guy coming out, and they are usually very hurt by that. My 2 female friends who this has happened to had great sex lives with their exes both who are now gay. Both girls said to me on seperate occasions "Maybe I wasn't attractive enough. Maybe my body wasn't attractive enough." Both were also very hurt by what felt like betrayal to them. It was like they suddenly didn't know the guys they had loved at all.
chef_mia On December 11, 2012




derry, Ireland
#34New Post! Dec 21, 2008 @ 13:40:15
@BelindaJones Said

You have got to be kidding me? in todays day and age and with all the education out there you have to ask that question? He did not just turn gay he IS gay, he was born that way, no matter how hard he tries to fight it no matter how hard you want to deny it HE IS GAY. Live with it



if i was trying to deny the act he was guy i wouldn right a post my ex boyfriend is gay.!!!!! iv accepted the fact that he is gay and have stopped blaming myself.

its just hard to accept some1 u thought u new so well and loved turns out that you dnt no them at all!!! and was the whole relationship a lie!!!
inZane On April 12, 2009




,
#35New Post! Jan 02, 2009 @ 02:40:35
@chef_mia Said

if i was trying to deny the act he was guy i wouldn right a post my ex boyfriend is gay.!!!!! iv accepted the fact that he is gay and have stopped blaming myself.

its just hard to accept some1 u thought u new so well and loved turns out that you dnt no them at all!!! and was the whole relationship a lie!!!


It doesn't mean you don't really know them. You still know what kind of personality they have, they're fave color, opinion on topics, ect.

I don't think your ENTIRE relationship was a lie. He probably loves you like a friend. And I'll bet he really appreciates the safety he felt around you and your acceptance of exactly who he his.

I don't think he intentionally trie to hurt you. He was confused and didn't know exactly what to do. Granted, it wasn't okay for him to lead you on, but like I said, he was probably confused and afraid.
ReAdSaLoT On September 23, 2019




,
#37New Post! Jan 02, 2009 @ 03:01:36
You can not feel reponsible for this. He was either in denial, or tried desperately to fit in to the "regular" way of the world, for parents, etc. I can't imagine anybody being gay because of another person. You are or you aren't. You're reading way too much into this.
My first boyfriend tried very hard not to be gay, these were the days when no one told. I read last year that he had died with his partner of 30 years by his side. If he's happy, let it go and move forward. I was more sad that a terrific person was gone; and it finally explained what a young girl didn't understand years ago.
drbeaucroft On January 17, 2013

Banned



Glasgow, United Kingdom
#38New Post! Jan 06, 2009 @ 09:29:53
We were all born gay...it just took some of us ages to come to terms with it.
chef_mia On December 11, 2012




derry, Ireland
#39New Post! Apr 06, 2009 @ 01:19:17
omg hes actually not gay!!!! i seen him 2nite and i asked him straight out was he gay he said he wasnt and it was all bulls*** and i end up going with him again
Electric_Banana On February 05, 2024




, New Zealand
#40New Post! Aug 22, 2011 @ 10:38:35
@chef_mia Said

omg hes actually not gay!!!! i seen him 2nite and i asked him straight out was he gay he said he wasnt and it was all bulls*** and i end up going with him again



Maybe he is only gay on leap years.

But seeing as you're not one hundred percent certain, what he really likes or where he has been during his absence - use a condom.

He might've been all over the place - even on Mars.
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