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The Top 20!!!

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clitcommander On June 04, 2005




Australia
#1New Post! Feb 16, 2005 @ 22:18:37
Top 20 Signs It's a Bad Day


1.You wake up face down on the pavement.

2.You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

3.You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.

4.You see a ''60 minutes'' news team waiting in your office.

5.Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

6.You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.

7.You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.

8.Your twin sister forgot your birthday.

9.You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.

10.Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.

11.Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.

12.Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

13.The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

14.You wake up and your braces are locked together.

15.You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.

16.Your blind date turns out to be your ex.

17.Your paycheck bounces.

18.You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

19.Your pet rock snaps at you.

20.Your wife says, ''Good morning, Bill'' and your name is George.

Ko On January 25, 2011
\\m/(>.<)\\m/





949 Orange County, California
#2New Post! Feb 16, 2005 @ 22:23:19
The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers

20 Can't stick their heads out of Windows.
19 Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18 Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17 Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16 Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
15 Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14 Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing
www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13 Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
12 Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11 Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-
wagging.
10 Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft
Opposable Thumb.
9 Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
8 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7 Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition
software.
6 SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5 SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the
question!
4 Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
3 Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2 Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat
rooms.

and the Number 1 Reason Dog's Don't Use Computers....

1 TrO{gO DsA mM,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqs,. *

* 1 Too Damn Hard To Type With Paws.
amz999 On December 01, 2008




, United Kingdom
#3New Post! Feb 16, 2005 @ 22:29:19
I liked number 19 of Top 20 Signs It's a Bad Day
Emskie On April 14, 2023




, United Kingdom
#4New Post! Feb 16, 2005 @ 22:30:08
PMSL!
da_general On January 24, 2011




NYC, New York
#5New Post! Feb 16, 2005 @ 22:30:33
TOP 20 Reasons Chocolate Is Better Than Sex:

1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19) When you have great chocolate it doesn't keep your neighbors awake.
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter. It's ALL good!
clitcommander On June 04, 2005




Australia
#6New Post! Feb 16, 2005 @ 22:41:25
Quote:
5 SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!


use linux quite a bit; that's f***ing hilarious!!!


Ko On January 25, 2011
\\m/(>.<)\\m/





949 Orange County, California
#7New Post! Feb 16, 2005 @ 22:44:39
Quote:
20.Your wife says, ''Good morning, Bill'' and your name is George.


thats really good man! and could be realistic!!!
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