Help with a broken heart.....

Yes he knows everything and he has forgiven me and doesn't throw it up to me, but I think one of my problems is I can't forgive myself.

To your husband to forgive you makes you an extrememly fortunate woman. I would assume then that your inability right now to forgive yourself stems from that. That and you're still torn between loving two men. I cannot relate to your emotions because I have never been a situation similar to yours. But I am very familiar with the pain of a broken heart.
I hate platitudes, but there's a reason they are used so often. They're true! And two I'm thinking of here is that time will heal your wounds, and you've got to take one day at a time. I won't kid you, your wounds will scar, figuratively speaking of course, but that's what it is. But you don't have to think about that right now. All you have to think about is how you're going to finish today. We all live one day at a time. You don't have to think about tomorrow because it's not here yet. You don't know what it will bring. Just finish today, go to bed, and get up tomorrow. When you get up tomorrow, you can figure out what you'll do then. I can't overemphasize this second piece of advice. It works. One morning you'll wake up, and "he" won't be your first thought. I promise. But for now, all that matters is today.

Thanks, ... today has been another really bad day. I've started keeping a journal and really trying to analize my feelings, and I am starting to think that I'm not only missing my friend, but I'm just not happy with my current situation... my husband and I no longer are connected the way we used to be. I know it's my fault, but I'm not sure anything ... time, or effort... can change that. I have really tried for the past 3 months to put all I have into my family, into making it work with my husband, into trying to get back the feelings I should have for him... and the more I try it seems the more miserable I am. Three months is not a long time relatively speaking, but it is an eternity when you are pretending to feel something that your not feeling. All I want is for my slate to be wiped clean and to really enjoy my husband... he has been able to do that, I don't understand why I can't.

Hi there
I can read the pain you are feeling from your post. What a lot of people don't understand about affairs is that it's not the physical that keeps it moving. It's the emotional affirmations you receive - Yes, you are gorgeous. Yes you are my favourite person. They listen to your problems, make you feel fabulous. Most importantly, they affirm just by being around, that you are worth risking their own relationship for. It took me 12 years to get over the affair that I had when I was 22!
You must embrace your freedom and move forward. Hate him if you must - that's the only way I moved forward. It is not what it seems I promise you. He is not the god-like being you feel he is. He is flawed, human, and irresponsible in his relationships. He breaks promises. If he didn't, he would not be involved with someone else now.
My ex is now finally divorced (I heard) and I am now with someone else who is COMPLETELY different to my ex - thank God! My ex was attractive, but untrustworthy, sly, sneaky, mean to other people - the list goes on. Not good for me, and not good for my life, but for some reason, I thought he was the bees knees. What getting over him took was being honest with myself. It was tough, but I had to admit it: if he really loved me, nothing on earth would have kept us apart. He used me. I was too immature to know.
I am not saying you are immature - but I would ask you to be honest with yourself about how good it was, and what you potentially are giving up. The best favour you can do yourself is to be brutally honest about who he is and how he treated you - and how he is treating you now. Does it feel like adoration? if not, why do you adore him?

I'm truly sorry to hear of what you're going through. You may think i don't understand on how you feel but trust me, i do because I've broken up with my ex 4 months ago - only because I feel I couldn't trust him and he wasn't right for me but I know it is different for you but I do know the feeling of pain. The first week was the worse and it was hard to move on. I've moved on now and sometimes I do think of him but I just push it out and live my life to the fullest - doing what I really want to do. But hey, you're not the only one, we all went thru it and it is easier to share our feelings to help us to move on Promise me, it will get easier - time heals

I believe it is different for everyone, but I too went through a similar situation. I meet someone, and had an affair. Timeis the only thing that heals. Can you fall back in love with your husband? That is entirely up to you. the question is/should be: Do you want to fall back in love with your husband? Only you can answer that, but if your answer is NO, then do what is best for everyone and divorce, it is not fair to keep someone in a marriage if you can;t return the love. If the answer is Yes, then may I suggest start with some counsiling, and go from there, some thing lead you to the arms of another man, you need to evalute what that was, and move forward from there.

Thanks so much guys... I really appreciate all your input.

One day at a time, I'm tellin' you. You've got to get yourself back together. Get your mind clear again (by what means are necessary for you to do so) so you know once again who you are and what you want, all before you make a life-altering decision.