She's in love with me, I must be crazy...(Long post, grab a snack and a drink)

Unfortunately, I don't have anyone I can talk to this problem about in my everyday life and it's something that has been hanging over me for over 6 months now. Let me tell you a little about my relationship with my girlfriend first. We met in college a little over three years ago, she was my first real relationship and my First. Over the past three years, we never really fought about much. We'd have little arguments but they didn't last long and we usually ended up not talking to each other for a few hours and then made up. One of my good friends wishes that he a stable relationship that my girlfriend and I have. Both of our families get a long very well and her parents and grandparents love me and trust me. Now here's my problem, I don't feel like I'm In Love with her. I do love her and care for her deeply. I know that she is in love with me, but I can't seem to shake this feeling. 6-months ago I felt this same way, and I almost broke up with her. I convinced myself that I was just going through a weird faze and that it would go away. So I forced myself to stick around and it worked for awhile. We ended up moving in together and it's been good. But now those thoughts have come back and in full force. Things aren't the same as they used to be and I'm not as happy or in love with her the way I used to be. She used to enjoy doing the things I do but we don't go out and do "stuff" anymore. I don't feel as if I can really deeply talk about things with her and it really tears me up. I wish I didn't feel this way because I don't want to hurt her. But at the same time, it's unfair for both of us to be together romantically if I don't feel as strongly for her as she does for me. I know that she wants to get married and grow old with me, she talks about our future together now and then, but I can honestly say that I cannot picture our future together. It's been three years, we get along, our families get along, if I did not feel this way it'd be a sure thing, I've been more distant lately, but I care for her and hate to see her hurt. It's finally out there, what are your thoughts? Can anyone share similar experiences?

And we are in our mid 20's

I understand not wanting to hurt her, but what do you think is going to happen if you end up married to her and she finds out 10 years down the road that you weren't in love with her when you got married and you only did it because you didn't want to hurt her?

Yes, it hurts, but pain is a part of life. It's better to sit her down and talk to her about it than it is to just let this fester until you let it go for so long that you run the risk of hating her for tying your down.

That's all I can say and ultimately, it's up to you what you decide to do. Good luck

All I know is I've been where you are. I ended up realizing I never did love the guy and broke off the engagment. And both of us our better off.
Go with what your head tells you. Marriage is a big step to go into with someone you don't love. (also did that one)

Sounds like you do really care for her but that fact your relationship isnt fresh and full of dates and passion anymore is getting you down, try injecting a bit of that vigor back in before you give up on the relationship. Try and remember the last time you were really happy together...did you go out somewhere special or have a nice meal then surprise her by recreating that time. If it still doesnt work talk to her dont necisarily say tou dont love her just that your worried that your relationship is loosing its spice and maybe you can decide to makesure you go and do something together once a fourtnight or something. It may turn out you still feel you want out but a good relationship is hard to find and you would be doing yourself an injustice not to give it one last try. The course of love never runs smooth but try and make the best of the times you cherish! good luck and i hope it works out for the best for you...whatever that might be.

It's possible to care about someone and genuinely love them but not be in love with them. If he feels this way and is really questioning things then that is a relationship that is not going to work. No one should have to stay in a relationship where they are not truly happy because they are afraid of hurting the other person.
It's sickening to see one person sticking in a relationship that their heart isn't in. It's only going to prolong the pain that will inevitably come.
And the fact that this isn't the first time he has had these feelings really shows that he isn't in love. And that adding a bit more 'spice' is just prolonging something that isn't going to work.

I would recommend he end it on as nice of terms as possible. She is going to be devastated and heart broken, but she will eventually feel better. And if he does step away and take some time apart, he will have the opportunity to see how he really feels.

As cliched as this may seem..you need to take a step back, breathe, and let this go.
You both are going to be hurt in the long run if you continure this relationship. It's takes two people to be fully involved to make a relatationship work. Don't stay in this because it's familiar to you or b/c you have history.
If you're having this feeling now and you've had them before, you're going to have them again....is it really worth going the rest of your life questioning how you feel about someone you love??
And think about if you stay in thos relationship and eventually have children..what then?
Number one...it's not fair to you to be in a 'okay' relationship and it not fair to her to be in a one-sided one...
End this now before you can't...

With my past expeirience I'd have to day that there is a huge difference between loving someone and being "in love " with someone. It's hard to give someone advice on what they should do when you really don't know the whole situation or know either of the people involved on a personal basis. However, with that being said I will tell you that it's not fair to her if you are not in love with her. Being totally in love with someone and having them totally in love with you brings a lot more to the table so to speak then just loving and caring for someone.

I'm kind of going through some of the same things myself so I can sympathise with you. I am recently divorced and involved ina relatively new relationship. He's everything I've ever dreamed of and I could fall for him in the blink of an eye but I'm scared. He's so romantic ,sweet, good hearted and is head over heels in love with me. All he's ever wanted is to be a good husband and father and to have someone love him in the same way he loves them. He was married for 22 years and she cheated on him , it damn near destroyed him but now he's ready to move on with me. He's ready to make moves that I'm not quiet sure I'm ready to make. He's already talking about moving in together and getting married.

I've been completely honest with him and told him that when I'm ready I'll let him know, I'm just not there yet. I love him to death I can see spending the rest of my life with him but I'm just not sure that I'm ready to start that life with him yet. He's very loving and patient.

Good luck to you , just be honest with her.

Thank you all for your posts. We talked last night and it was very difficult but we are still friends. We both care about each other and still want to be in each other's lives. We have a dog that we both love,so that'll be our common ground. She told me that if I ever wanted try again she'd be there, that's comforting to know. It's been three years, I don't even know what to do with myself now. Looking forward to this change. Thanks again, I feel like the weight has been lifted.