I'm finally going to admit...

That I need help again.

Sorry for the long post...

The medication I'm on has really helped things on the outside... I seem happy and chirpy at times.. I'm getting back in to my study...and I'm learning not to rush important decisions...When I'm around people I'm completely fine.

Ever since the massive fight with my eldest brother the other night I feel like its pushed me over the edge again
Everything was going so well. I had accepted the fact that I was dealing with an issue I couldn't control, and had finally felt as though I could handle it. I was happy for the first time in a long time over something that was real, I was living my life and not a lie.

Now it's as though I miss the ones that made me happy the most... even though I thought I dealt with why they were gone I thought I sorted out the fact that it was wrong.... but now I just miss them. And the want for them is more intense then ever.

I don't even know why I'm posting this on tfs. Maybe I just thought that getting it all out and written down and admitting it would help me keep my sanity.
These times alone are the darkest I have ever felt...
I'm turning to the internet and food more and more to distract myself...but it's just not working.

I don't know what I'm sposed to do

I'm so happy when I'm around others... but the depression is hitting me worse then it ever has

Even at the worst of times in the past year I have managed to get out of bed.... I swear now, every morning, it just gets harder and harder...

I need answers to questions that I don't even understand.

thanks jmo

Don't really know what to say, so hugging will have to suffice.

One thing i can really relate to here is my son and his emotional behaviour. He was an absolute train crash, up one moment to the point of scaryness and then a massive down.

Its taken a good year to stabilise him but even now and again he will blow up and be all over the place.

Its like a gradual dying down of an earthquake. There are aftershocks. Some will knock you over and some you will be able to cope with.

The important thing is giving yourself a break and picking yourself up again.

Your medication may need reviewing.

Same

Thanks. I need to make some important choices in my life at the moment and all of this is making it alot harder.

I suffer with depression quite badly sometimes has you already know from our chats. What i try and do each day is go for a long walk and be in company. If not i find i become much more on a downer. Just a suggestion though and good luck babe with it all

Sorry I have no real advice for you either. Just do whatever you need to feel better and make sure you'll get every help you can.

Lots of hugs

sharing how we feel is always a good step and whilst we might not have the answers we can listen and show we care just take one day at a time babe

From your post I deduce you are getting better. But recovery from these ocnditions is like surfing (my lord there's an image) all I can say is that you will experience peaks and troughs. You have been through a rather high period now you are in the low.

You are accepting you need help which is a great first step. All you have to do now is gird your loins a bit. Nows the time to do some quiet things and try to stay positive. Everyone here is hoping you will get better and if you believe you can get better you will eventually. I think from what I've read keeping a positive mental attitude helps.

Try not to be too cut up about your fight with your sibling thats what we do, we fight, its normal.

Try not to worry and keep on your medication! It may need to be checked but it vcould just be a natural part of the process of healing if youre worried check in with your doctor, but dont worry bout posting on the net if it helps do it!

Have you ever tried to pray, I mean really pray? When you pray, the Bible says to pray with expectancy, meaning that when you pray expect God to help you. Be specific and tell him EXACTLY what you need and then expect it to happen!!!! He is there for you and is just waiting for you to reach out to him. Are there answers, yes. Just seek them out. If you don't know how, ask God to show you how.
-love in christ

I really dont think this person is looking for some sort of conversion at this moment in time. I think its better that Tequilla deals with the issues and feelings they are having rather than look for a crutch.

I have faith in a religon but I dont try to convert other people to it as I'm secure in my faith. I do not require to prey on the vunerable and troubled!

Don't give up. The big ups and downs are very normal as we stabilize. I hate to be the one to tell you, but they will continue the rest of your "natural" life. Take heart, they get MUCH milder and, once you learn to feel them coming (and you will) MUCH easier to deal with.
Eat well, sleep regularly, and be kind to yourself. You deserve it and you can't count on anybody else to do those things for you. Stay in touch.