I was given an incredible chance... to redo a creative writing piece and put in better grammar, id like TFS to read through it for me and tell me if the grammar is good enough! I have indeed posted this piece before and would appreciate opinions also!
. The Assassin
?Click?,?click? the sound of a professional opening a briefcase. He could have been a bank manager or a businessman, in fact any other desk jockey. His dark suit was dampened by the odd moisture of the wind, not quite rain but sort of like mist. The worst thing he thought was the spine tingling icy wind being channelled through the steep sided valley behind. He lowered his cap until his brow was just covered. He stepped back and slid a little in the mud, his case fell closed, he reached forward and reopened it. He removed his sharp edged finely printed case notes and folded them carefully then stowed them in an inside pocket of his jacket. He then swiftly uncovered the warm steel barrel of a weapon from inside his jacket lining.
He removed the other parts of his rifle from his case and assembled the 50 calibre sniper. He disconnected the scope and used it to examine the wrecked old house he used to know. The old building had three floors, the paint was peeling from is wooden walls. The shingles on the roof were cracked and rotten, its windows were mouldy and one was broken. He looked over to the old shed in the yard, the roof had caved in at one side and the window was smeared in what resembles blood.
After waiting for a few hours, silent and plotting the man sees what he's been anticipating. A trail of dust being thrown up by a large four by four, its dim headlights leading the way through the odd mist. He looked a little closer at the old ford 4x4 and seen it was orange with rust and battered within an inch of its life, but appeared to be running fine until he noticed the black smoke belching out amongst the mud of the old country road.
The vehicle drove right into the yard and skidded to a halt. The driver a young man of 32 stepped out. He had blonde short hair and was wearing a blue Hawaiian shirt. The assassin put his scope back onto his rifle and aimed at the man, he remembered a chair by the fire he could see through the window, It was the young man's favourite chair he knew he would sit there and believed he would get a better shot on a stationary target. The young man did exactly what the assassin anticipated, he walked through to the dusty living room and sat down on a moth-eaten old chair, He had a cup of tea in one hand and a remote control in the other. The assassin looked for a little longer, then steadying himself he took aim and fired. The ear-splitting gunshot shattered the window and hit the man square in the back of his head, the man fell forwards out of the chair, dead.
The assassin coolly and calmly unscrewed the barrel of his sniper, wrapped it in cloth and put it back into his jacket lining. He then took apart the weapons other parts and stowed them quickly into his briefcase, He scooped up the bullet casing and put it in his pocket, he then calmly removed his case notes, lay them over his gun and closed his case. He ruffled up the grass he had been sitting on, walked away back through the valley away from the house and into the sharp wind. The terrible scene was now void of Human life.
Apr 22, 2008 @ 17:49:18
i posted asking for a second opinion be straight not mocking please
i have no f'ing idea how i got into a credit level english class 
