Can divorce be fair..

Just spokent to the boss again.

Did he pay for the house fully? Is he the main occupant on the mortgage? Is he the only one on the mortgage?

Hey hate to bring this up as it is not mentioned, but I bet the guy really loves his wife and this divorce is really breaking him up. Does she have to divorce him and break his heart and wallet too?

in some cases, divorce seems totally unfair and unjust. but i have been through a divorce so i can see the other side of it. my ex husband was an alcoholic who would regualrly use me for a punch bag. he would steal any money i had, go out and not come back and when he did hit me for the sake of it. one day i had enough. i kept the house seeing as he had not put one penny into the income of it. he was unemployed and then went onto be a student so still not bringing any money into the house. i think i am lucky to be alive and i get really mad when i hear people harping on about how divorce is too easy and it should be made harder to try to deter people and get them to try harder. i almost died. he almost killed me. how much harder do they want life to be?
but as for your mate, mark, well, that sucks. why should he loose out to a wife who obviously thought he would die overseas and she would be made for life?

I agree Trill. Good things come out of divorce

he is in a RAF base not to far from london. so im sure there is a few million there that can help him.

I wouldn't even know... I assume its a joint venture.. however.. she hasn't worked a day in her life.. so i would assume its in his name.. but could be wrong. he owns the house. no payments left.

Just got a reply from his email actually. He says, he has a lawyer and they are challenging ever thing that is said (personally i think he is panicing in the last email). He says nothing will be heard for a week or so.. but he will keep me informed..

It is a very unfair story, but you can't really get too upset about him paying child maintenance, considering they ARE his kids. Also, not to be a b**** or anything, but being away a lot (if he was away a lot)(whether it is the Falklands, or Iraq or flipping Spain) must have put some sort of strain on the relationship. I find it hard to believe that there were no signs of a deterioration, considering they were together for so long. We're only getting your partial version of events of this horrible story; I find it hard to believe that she would have been unfaithful just like that, unless she is a complete b****, which I would have thought your friend might have noticed earlier.

I don't understand why he will lose his car. . . . . If I were him, I'd sell it to a friend for very little and then get it back afterwards. Unless, of course, by really bad luck, it's in her name too? As for the house, that is understandable because they have kids together. And to be honest, he's not going to lose the kids, not unless she's suing for sole custody or tries to keep him away from them. I sympathise, but unforunately life's a b****. You just have to do the best you can in a bad situation.

I don't think it's fishy that the guy's living there. He's clearly trying to live rent free. And even if he has a job, etc, by law it's not his responsibility to help out with bills and stuff, not unless there's some sort of contract involved.

Yes, the law sucks.

I'm probably now the most hated person on this forum . . . .

At least he now has a professional acting for him. Be grateful for small mercies

As far as the child support that is totally his responsiblity. No matter if the wife re-marries. Those are and always will be his kids, no matter if they live with him or not. Is it fair...yes. When you have children you are responsible for them no matter what.

Now as far as the other stuff...
I can only talk from the US point of view.
Usually if the wife cannot pay for the upkeep of the house, they sell it and split it and she finds affordable housing with the kids. Or the husband can pay oodles of alamony.

It is tough for a man in divorce, financially. Unless they are very well off, it is hard for them to make ends meet. That is why many of them don't pay child support.

I dont understand why it should be tough for a man to divorce if he hasnt done anything.

No it can't be fair - the way it is set up now.

What is needed is the lawyers to be called in BEFORE the marriage.

Everyone should be REQUIRED to have a Pre-Nup - so then there isn't this nonsense about it being non-romantic. Then it's just has to be done.

Then the pre-nup should be set up like those living wills - where every possible situation has a thought out conclusion...like this:

If we have ONE kid - it will be mine.
If we have TWO kids, I will take the first one - you have the second one...
If I make money during the marriage, it goes into MY account.
If you make money during the marriage, it goes into YOUR account.
We will use a separate account to pay bills from...

ETC.

The key is to get the lawyers involved BEFORE not AFTER.

Also - I actually think this will help people in several ways:

1. They will know what the real consequences of divorce will be. And they will really have to think twice before doing it.
2. If they do go thru with it, then there will be a lot less angst because the plan will eliminate the unknown which is such a killer of spirit and happiness.
3. The kids will have a much less painful time because they will have parents who cared enough to think things thru before getting deeply involved. Also - if there is a divorce, their parents will be more emotionally stable because of number 2 - the unknown is less daunting.

KimO.

Thats a rediculous idea. The real world isnt like that. All you get from a pre-nup is proof of no trust.

After all, youd only be out to look after yourself. Thats completely the opposite to what marriage is about.

I guess the wording was strange there. It is Financially difficult for a man after a divorce (when he has kids).

Theres ummm rarely 100% honesty in divorce and apart from the people involved nobody really knows what happens behind closed doors.

What i find doesnt help its not the solicitors, its the freinds and colleages of both parties. Someone who will stick thier oar in and say "change the locks" "tell the solicitor he is mentally cruel to you" "tell the solicitor she is cruel to the children" when you are in an emotional state you are more likely to accept bad advice.

Divorce can be nasty business and change people. Whether it is fair depends entirely on whether the couple in question want to play fair.