I had eighteen bottles of whisky...

my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else!! I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whisky down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink, and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by, I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under the affluence of incolhol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I foos so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.