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Breaking Up

long story = broken heart = please give advice!

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makeshift On May 24, 2006




Melbourne, Australia
#1New Post! May 23, 2006 @ 06:36:04
okay, here it goes...

my boyfriend and i have.. crap, i mean ex. boyfriend and i had been going out for three years. the relationship took 10months to kick off.. that is he liked me for that amount of time before i agreed to go out with him. Slowly i fell in love with him. we were each others first. it was going good for to first two years, but then i fell too hard for him and i think he felt trapped.. although he denies this. we have the best time together, make each other laugh and feel comfortable doing anything with each other.

start of the third year he kissed another girl in a drunken rage after an argument we had. i know the girl.. we had been friends introduced through him. 'short, awkward goodbye kiss' it was described as. i forgave him. i had to, i was too in love with him to let him go. throughout the third year he didn't treat me right, bad mouthing me to my face, though jokingly, making me do stuff for him (for example driving him into the city and back) that i knew he wouldn't do in return. it seemed that every time i went to confront him about it, everything would turn good again and i wouldn't bother.

a month ago, he was very drunk and had had his drink spiked by one of his friends, first time he'd taken anything. he looked like he was having so much fun so i let it be. he was trying to sort stuff out with the girl who he 'drunken kissed' the first time because they were in the middle of a huge fight. They kissed again. Full on this time. She told me everything. i couldn't get angry. im not an angry person. i only felt sad. i talked to the girl, who didn't initiate anything.. it was all him. i cried for almost 4 days, had a lump ion my throat for 2 weeks afterwards. worst thing being, i still spoke to flirted with a 'did stuff' with my boyfriend a month after it happened.

i know im stupid for doing it, i seem to have no self control. and regardless of what he did to me, im still in love with him. just this morning we agreed not to see each other any more. for a while anyway. we talked a lot afterwards about what will happen in the future. he says he wants to marry me, but not yet. he doesn't want the responsibility of being in the relationship at this point in time, and i obviously can't trust him, so we can't be going out.

there's a huge problem though in the fact that the past month, after it happened, he treated my like an absolute princess.. like it was in the first couple of months in the relationship. that was such a bloody tease.

so we've sort of agreed that once i can trust him again, and he gets over the whole 'i don't want relationship responsibility' thing, that we would get back together. is this something i should hold on to? i know i love him much more than he loves me and it absolutely kills me. my friends have turned against me for still seeing him and my uni marks have gone to crap because i can't concentrate on anything but him.

he even had the nerve to ask me not to be with anyone else until we get back together again. whereas he told me he most likely will hook up with someone else and that i have to get over that. i know he sounds like an absolute d***, but im stuck. im so deeply in love with him, im over my head. can someone give me some advice as to what i should do?

i want to get back with him, but definitely not now. how do i separate myself and my feelings for him in the mean time?

help me please!!
vanders On December 13, 2014




, Australia
#2New Post! May 23, 2006 @ 06:50:45
Oh sweetie That sounds like s***, and he really is as you said a d***. I
don't know how you can separate yourself from him... but the point is that you
have to... He really isn't worth your time. You deserve so much more than that...

He is just using you... Like c'mon, you aren't allowed to see anyone during your
break... but I will and your gonna have to get over it... Thats s*** makeshift!!
arianwen On March 03, 2007




, Australia
#3New Post! May 23, 2006 @ 06:56:06
Hon, I wouldn't worry about staying single waiting for him. If he's treating you like s*** after only three years, what's it going to be like long term?

I know you're smitten, and that won't make anything easier, but don't trust him again too easily. You'll only get yourself hurt again.

Try to trust your gut feelings, and not your heart. Like you said, he is a tease and a d***head.

Take care of you. We'll all still be here.
nikalaos On January 23, 2010




Quispamsis, Canada
#4New Post! May 23, 2006 @ 06:59:47
I'm agreeing with vanders here. I don't even think you should go back to him. It'
sounds like you have a big heart, and he has no where near the strength to carry
it... he'll only end up breaking it again.

I know it sounds harsh, difficult and wrong, because you love him, but you've
pointed out a couple times yourself that it sounds wrong... maybe you should
take it for just that... something wrong. I hope you find some happiness, I truly
do.

"Nobody is worth your tears, and the only one who is, will never make you cry."
vanders On December 13, 2014




, Australia
#5New Post! May 23, 2006 @ 07:04:15
true dat Nikalaos!!! I love that saying by the way!!! It'll be difficult but you can
move on... and with friends like us... who needs d***heads like him!!
skanky_hoe On January 18, 2007

Deleted



melbourne, Australia
#6New Post! May 23, 2006 @ 07:38:42
I think you should ditch him coz there are so many great guys out there, why waste you time on the ones that make you feel like crap! Surely there's someone better... like your not going to marry a douchebag like that or anything!
onein_amil On January 12, 2009

Deleted



Sydney, Australia
#7New Post! May 23, 2006 @ 08:20:11
I agree 8) with everyone....it sounds like he knows that he's got you wrapped
around his finger and he knows that he can control and play with your
feelings....If you have any dignity and self-respect left (sorry if that sounds
mean) you know you deserve alot better than that. What with the "you can't
see anyone until we get back together" CRAP?!!!?!?!?!?!? I don't believe
he would say that if he did ever loved you. I think for him you were a
challenege. He liked you and back then he'd do anything to win your heart
and now that he's had....sounds like he's bored of you and wants to move on
to something else but telling you that he "still wants to marry you"....is the
nice way of saying it. Sorry babe but I think the reality is he's just not letting
you see anyone so that when he can't get any anywhere he knows you are
there waiting for him. Also the best way to get away from that is to think
about yourself!!! Ask yourself what YOU want!! You've noticed that your
grades have gone done...do you want to do well? If you do concentrate on
that. Right now....get rid of things that remind you of him...if you go out and
find that there's places that remind you just think "It's over I need to move on
for me!" Think about picturing him having fun out there and you're all
miserable on your own. How does that make you feel? You deserve WAY
BETTER!!!! And you know it...you just pick yourself up, take it day-by-day,
surround yourself with people that support NOT people that would go "I told
you so."....I recommend being with family is best....they tend to see that
something is wrong but wouldn't dare to say anything to make you feel
worse...they stay with you to make you feel better....And LASTLY...think of
yourself right now...you've been thinking about him him and him...for
however long and he's taken advantage of that. Right now you need to take
care of yourself because in the long run we all really need to.
Take care of yourself eh? take some time to relax we're here for you.
localisedgirl On October 03, 2007

Deleted



, United Kingdom
#8New Post! May 23, 2006 @ 08:38:57
its worth a few months of hurt from not being with him than a lifetime of hurt through being with him.
you definately love him more than he does you, you have accepted this and hopefully that will be the drive for you to realise you shouldnt be in a one sided relationship.
yes things may have been brilliant with him, but you have too many downside issues.
i think his attitude is disgusting and he prob knows its highly possible you will wait for him. in the meantime hes free to treat you like that and have you at his beck n call, using how you feel for him against you.
you need to use thsi chance to move on, its the best time as you are not together at the mo, so you dont actually have to leave and make that decision. you just have to not let him back into your heart.
use the break as time to reflect on how your feeling now, your feeling hurt and crap and its becaue of him! hes cable of doing that to you.
when i split with my bf at xmas i just looked at it this way: I'm sitting here in bits because we're not together, now why shuold i when hes not sitting wherever he is thinking of me?
says it all really.
i think he wants the break to go and do what he likes, with who he likes.
your just gonan have to be brave on this one and let the right thing over rule your feelings. its always hard, but you have to think are you prepared to allow him to do this to you now, as im sure he will again.
makeshift On May 24, 2006




Melbourne, Australia
#9New Post! May 23, 2006 @ 09:06:55
Thankyou all so much for your comfort and advice! You're all gorgeous!!

Nikalaos, "Nobody is worth your tears, and the only one who is, will never make you cry." tugged at my heart as soon as I read that because I've cried over him many a time. But its hard, because I used to think the tears were worth the good times i got from the relationship.

Arianwen, i ask myself that question a lot. if we do get back together, will things just fall apart again? he promised me it wouldn't.. but then again that doesn't mean much to me at the moment.

I know he has no right to tell me not to be with other people... and also that he has me wrapped around his finger. I'm guessing the relationship was really only equal for the 1st year. he just makes me melt though.. i can't help how i feel. i wish so badly that there was a switch that i could flick that would instantly kill all my feelings for him.

onein_amil, you asked what i wanted... i want him to love me as much as i love him, i want him to have never cheated on me and for us to be in a normal, happy and equal relationship. but it isn't going to happen.

so instead, i guess i want to get over him. kind of. urgh! i don't know.. its so hard. i do, but there's always that hope that he will have some kind of revelation and welcome me back and never hurt me again.

i feel so stupid thinking that after what he's done. im so divided... you can probably tell that though.
vanders On December 13, 2014




, Australia
#10New Post! May 23, 2006 @ 09:10:24
Yeah, we can tell you that.. but we are all here to listen to ya, and to support
ya... It will be tough, but there are plenty of other fish in the sea (oh that sounds
so cliche!!) but we love ya!!

And don't feel stupid... it happens to alot of people!! and sweetie he definitely is
NOT worth your tears!!
onein_amil On January 12, 2009

Deleted



Sydney, Australia
#11New Post! May 23, 2006 @ 11:26:44
You're not stupid...it's normal when you get stuck in that situation...I had the
same thing and I got over it so don't worry you'll be just fine as long as
you know what you want for you then you'll be ok....as vanders said we're here
for you....so if you need more advice you know where we are..
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