And, there's more

@rondetto Said

Against all advice I have started my own company.
‘Dave’s rubbish removals’.
A removal company, but we’re not very good at it.

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I went to the hairdressers and said I wanted my haircut like Tom Cruise.
He gave me a booster seat to sit on.

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My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then she sat on it.
Eventually she came round.

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Research shows that laughing for 2 mins is just as healthy as a 20 min jog.
So, now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.

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My wife is furious at our neighbour who sunbathes naked in her backyard. Personally, I'm on the fence.

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My son took his first steps this morning.
The window cleaner was furious.

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My wife just told me that I don't know how to shave properly...
Bloody cheek!

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My wife said you might not be the dumbest man in the world, but you better hope he doesn't die.

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My friend the opera singer has his birthday coming soon.
But, what can you get for a tenor these days?

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Ancient Egyptian architect: "Do you know how to build a pyramid?"
Ancient Egyptian builder: "Well, err yeah, up to a point."

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When I was on holiday in Thailand I took a bus trip and was sat next to the most beautiful girl I had ever set eyes on. Perfext boobs, gorgeous smile and perfect legs. With the seats so close together she was squeezed tight up to me. I thought to myself, "Don't get an erection."
Too late: She did.

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A train almost ran over my foot, probably my own fault for wearing platforms..

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