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@rondetto Said

Awful weather conditions today. I've just visited my 80 years old neighbour to ask her if she needed anything from the shops.
Turns out that she does, so I've given her my list as well. No point in both of us going out in this awful weather.

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Got caught up in a really good book last night.
Didn't stop colouring it in til 2AM this morning!

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I couldn't believe my Eyes this morning, a German Shepherd did a great steaming Poop on my Front Lawn,
When I confronted him he tried to blame his Dog!.

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Went to the Motor show yesterday.
Spent 3 hours viewing cars until someone told me I was still in the car park.

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A waiter approached our table and asked us if we enjoyed our meal.
"It was absolutely delicious, I ate every last bit!" said my wife.
"And Sir?" said the waiter. "How did you find the pork belly?"
"Oh, about 10 years ago, we met on holiday.

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I asked my mate if he had seen the new film that’s all about the history of juggernauts.
He said he hadn’t seen it yet but he had seen the trailers.

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I fell down some stairs at a party 2 weeks ago, then last week I fell down stairs again at another party. This week I got another party so I took out 3rd party insurance.

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After 10 years of lessons and 12 attempts at a driving test my wife has at last passed. I asked her what I could get her as a celebration gift for passing her test.
"Just something cheap to run around in." she said.
So I bought her a pair of trainers from Lidl.

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Poundstretchers and Marks & Spencer are to amalgamate to beat the credit crunch. They will be known as Stretchmarks!

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My cousin is a dwarf , and we were talking football , he was telling me that Gareth SOUTHGATE was useless as the England manager.
I said “ in fairness mate, you were never his biggest fan “

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