More funnies

@rondetto Said

My therapist told me to stop inventing scenarios in my head.
Which is odd, since I don't have a therapist.

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I've just checked my home insurance cover policy and apparently, if my duvet is stolen in the middle of the night.....I'm not covered.

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Joan Collins had to go to hospital today, to attend the birth of her next husband.

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Dispatcher : 999 " What is your emergency?" Caller: "I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner." Dispatcher: "Do you have an address?" Caller:" No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?"

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I went to see the doctor three weeks ago because I had an issue with my hearing, he prescribed me some drops to put in my beers every night, they taste awful and my hearing hasn't improved at all.

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Most of my relatives are police marksmen except for my grandad who was a bank robber.
He died recently surrounded by his family.

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Paramedics say the man who collapsed on the London eye is slowly coming round.

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I text my Spanish friend the word 'mucho' every day.
It's only a small effort for me but it means a lot to him.

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