It's me again with more funnies

@rondetto Said

I just found a half frozen tiny bird as I walked home, so I put it in my pocket to give it a chance of survival.
When I showed the wife, she told me how much she loved me for being so kind and sensitive, so I thought I'd try for a kiss & a cuddle as she was in a good mood !!
She said "Please, not in front of the chilled wren"

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Paddy is doing a crossword and says to Murphy: "I'm stuck on 2 down....a flightless bird from Iceland, 6 & 7 letters"
Murphy thinks about it and says: "Ya thick beggar, that's easy it's Frozen Turkey."

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My wife’s told me she’s leaving me over my obsession with astronomy.
Seriously, what planet is she on?

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I just deleted all my German friends from my mobile phone.
At least it's now Hans free.

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The only songs you're allowed to sing at my local church are 'Anyone Who Had a Heart' and 'Big Spender'.
I think the priest accidentally took a vow of Cilla Bassey.

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I can't tell the difference between a hog and a sow.
I'm just pig ignorant.

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Due to a spelling error, some of America's most dangerous criminals are currently waiting at Heathrow…

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I went to the police station and told them somebody had stolen my allotment.
They said i had lost the plot.

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