More funnies

@rondetto Said

I couldn’t get my phone to work in my hotel room the other night, so I went downstairs.
They have reception there.

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I decided this morning I was going to throw out all my socks ....
but then I got cold feet.

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I put a 12" ruler through the letterbox of the girl i fancy, i'll do anything to get my foot in the door.

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Shakespeare Walked Into My Pub Last Night, I Said Get Out - Ya Bard.

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I went to a ballet last night.
All those women dancing on their tip-toes.
Made me wonder why they didn't just find taller women.

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My fiancé has dumped me because I can't play leapfrog properly.
I don't think I'll ever get over her.

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Have you seen that new style of cricket?
The only way you can be out is LBW, bowled or stumped.
I know what you're thinking - where's the catch?

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When I was young I had everything handed to me on a plate.
Eating soup was a nightmare.

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I told the wife "I can't find the dictionary..."
She said:- "Have you looked upstairs?"
I said:- "No, I can't look up anything..."

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There was a kidnapping at my school yesterday.
When it was time to go home we had to wake him up.

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