More funnies

@rondetto Said

I got really angry with my car navigation today. I even yelled at it and told it to "go to hell."
Twenty minutes later, it brought me in front of my mother-in-law’s house.

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A farmer mate of mine sowed a field with unlabelled seed.
We'll see what crops up.

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I’ve just agreed to do some medical trials.
I was told Germs and conditions apply.

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My boss calls me "The Computer" nothing to do with my intelligence.
I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.

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I was born with my head the wrong way round and was told there was nothing to look forward to.

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Every one in my town wears woolen jumpers that are a size too small.
We're a very tight knit community.

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I love waiters and waitresses .. they bring a lot to the table.

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I was once served haggis as an inflight meal.
Normally I'll eat anything but that was just plane offal.

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ME: "How did your driving test go?"
WIFE: "He failed me."
ME: "What did he pull you up on?"
WIFE: "A rope. The car's still in the river."

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Doctor told me I have Monkey pox symptoms
I'll swing by his practice tomorrow.

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Due to an unfortunate spelling error when booking my holiday, l'm now looking forward to a week on the Norfolk B roads.

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