Quickies

@rondetto Said

Yesterday was National Awareness Day....
I didn't know that.

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I found a Load of Zips and Buttons Dumped on my front lawn this morning..
Someone's been Fly Tipping.

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Two blokes trapped in a cave, one says to the other,”it’s so dark I can’t see anything.”
The other says,”I’ve only got one match.”
He tried striking it on the wall multiple times.
The first bloke asks,”What’s the problem?”
The other bloke replied,”I don’t know it worked just fine this morning.”

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I was watching the Olympics when it was announced that GB was in a 'Nail biting final'...
How long is that been classed as a sport then?

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At the London fashion show this week, the wearing of many types of formal tie was well demonstrated, but on a very flimsy stage, which unfortunately collapsed.
Thankfully no casual ties were reported.

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Paddy walks into Waterstones and says 'I'd like to buy a book by Shakespeare'
The assistant asks 'Which one?'
Paddy replies 'William'

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Havent't seen my Vicar for weeks!
I might have to report it to the missing parsons bureau!

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I'm learning to become a more sensitive lover.
I bought a DVD called 'how to improve your foreplay technique'.
It was really good.
I had to fast forward through the boring bit at the beggining obviously!

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Saw a van this morning, "Robert & Robert painter and decorators."
Sounds like a two bob outfit to me.

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Last weekend, I bought a box of wine. "Lasts for 6 weeks once opened" was printed clearly on the box.
False advertising, it didn't even last one weekend!

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Tomorrow is the annual go braless Day.
Please show support as it was a bit of a flop last year!

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