It's 00:52 in the morning, and I'm still awake because for once my logic built (but not perfect) brain can't figure out a way to escape from my relationship which has ended non-officially but we have yet to say its over.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for a fair amount of time, and because of our distance it hurt things slightly. I told him I needed a small break, and we did that which went fine all the way until this guy got me to date him for awhile, and I backed out of that too, but him being a friend of mine before that and being a friend of my mom (So like, weird right?) My mom has been bothering me every day over how much I talk to him (which is not at all anymore) saying we used to be such 'good friends' and etc not knowing we were dating, and I'm being called out for being a jerk for not talking to him as much for "no good reason" but being gay it isn't so easy just saying you were dating your guy-friend to your parents who can barely handle the fact highways aren't straight.
Back at my old boyfriend, who is pissed that I dare date someone else since its well, dating, and I told him and had his OK to do it ahead of time, has talked to me less (thank god) but tries to put me down every chance its valid to. I usually wouldn't have an issue leaving for my own good, but when I first met my boyfriend he was a completely different person for the worse and I admit I did help cultivate a better him, and I fear that all said things will crash down if I """Break his heart""".
Nonetheless I've opted to realistically date people near me and being completely and almost harassed by other guys on VRC and any Furrycon I try to go to its not too hard to find that anymore which is an entirely different subject.
But in the end I'm just trying to aim realistically and my current relationship doesn't meet that standard and continuing it holds me back from moving on as a person. As I can't even really pursue getting into friendly close relationships with other people fearing my boyfriend will pop-up and call them a "Rat" or something like my last friend I got close with.
Yet despite the portrayal I've made of my boyfriend (soon to be ex) he is a very, very nice guy, he's given me another chance (which I don't want) and I want to maybe be friends with him knowing that he'll at least be ok regardless if we talk or not.
I'm new here and I've probably done something wrong, so let me know xD