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Yorkshire joke

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rondetto On about 5 hours ago




Wrexham, United Kingdom
#1New Post! Jul 31, 2020 @ 12:23:56
It helps If you knew the Yorkshire dialect:

A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "She were thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral.
True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "She were thin".
He explodes: "'ells bells man, you've left the bloody "e" out, you've left t’ bloody "e" out!"
The stone mason apologises profusely and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning.
Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason: "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud:
"E, she were thin".
darkman666 On about 2 hours ago




Saint Louis, Missouri
#2New Post! Jul 31, 2020 @ 14:19:54
@rondetto Said

It helps If you knew the Yorkshire dialect:

A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "She were thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral.
True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "She were thin".
He explodes: "'ells bells man, you've left the bloody "e" out, you've left t’ bloody "e" out!"
The stone mason apologises profusely and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning.
Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason: "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud:
"E, she were thin".


dookie On 10 minutes ago
Foolish Bombu





, United Kingdom
#3New Post! Jul 31, 2020 @ 16:19:37
The Yorkshireman who took his cat to the vet.

"Can e fix my cat?"

"Is it a tom?"

" No, it's outside in t't car"


darkman666 On about 2 hours ago




Saint Louis, Missouri
#4New Post! Jul 31, 2020 @ 16:47:48
@dookie Said

The Yorkshireman who took his cat to the vet.

"Can e fix my cat?"

"Is it a tom?"

" No, it's outside in t't car"




that's corny, as my grandma calling a tow truck for a broken toe.
Jennifer1984 On about 1 hour ago
Returner and proud





Penzance, United Kingdom
#5New Post! Aug 01, 2020 @ 14:23:34
The Yorkshire character is often stereotyped as being forthright to the point of being stubborn and mule headed. They will never admit to being wrong about anything. A southern proverb about Yorkshiremen goes something along the lines of:

"You can always tell a Yorkshirman.... (suggesting at first that you can always recognise them by their accent, then comes the punch line)..... but they won't listen".
dookie On 10 minutes ago
Foolish Bombu





, United Kingdom
#6New Post! Aug 01, 2020 @ 14:36:13
Not sure what accent fits this one.....

A guy goes into a bar and asks for a pint.

"Whitbread?"

"Yes, a couple of slices please"
Jennifer1984 On about 1 hour ago
Returner and proud





Penzance, United Kingdom
#7New Post! Aug 01, 2020 @ 15:51:39
Malapropisms can be somewhat amusing. When I lived in London, one of our neighbours had a habit of using the wrong word, always innocently (at least, we always thought so) but sometimes quite amusingly. Chatting with my mum one day I heard her telling how she'd been somewhere or other and was talking to some bloke and I think she must have meant his cologne, but it came out "And he was so close I could smell his colon".

My sister and I had to run indoors until we stopped giggling. Poor mum had no such escape route.
darkman666 On about 2 hours ago




Saint Louis, Missouri
#8New Post! Aug 02, 2020 @ 18:35:17
a bum walking into a wine contest at someone's mansion. everybody didn't notice the homeless man. the owner of the mansion and his friend that challenge him to wine tasting contest.

the judge gave two separate wine glass of cardonnay and pinot grigio for each one to indentified which is the best of each of two types of wines.

the judge explaining the rules of the game, then the bum took the cup of cardonnay from the owner of the mansion and drink. then he went on the side and pee in it to replace the cardonnay. then he put back in front of the owner, still nobody notice the bum.

then the challenger grab his cup of cardonnay and sways the wine around his throat and the swallow it. this is cardonnay pu 1872. the judge that correct!

the owner of the mansion took his cup of pee cardonnay and drank some of it. then the owner spit out almost at his guests, and he said, " this is pee! "

then the bum come under the table, and everybody was shock and scream, " WHAT YEAR, IS IT ? "
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