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twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#901New Post! Dec 01, 2017 @ 22:20:45
@matchstickman Said

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star. And you should have heard him play the piano! He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat them with. And he could fix anything. Not like me -I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well... I never actually met Frank. You see, several years ago Frank died, and I married his wife."


mrmhead On about 18 hours ago




NE, Ohio
#902New Post! Dec 06, 2017 @ 03:13:37
Last week I ordered from Amazon one of those security cameras you can watch on-line for package pirates at your front door.

... it was stolen
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#903New Post! Dec 06, 2017 @ 22:59:36
if i don't see you in the future, i'll see you in the pasture!
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#904New Post! Dec 10, 2017 @ 02:10:44
this couple at the zoo, and standing in front of a lion's cage. the husband really drunk and looking at the lion behind the cage.

the husband soo drunk and stagging around his wife was holding him up.

the husband look at the lion, and the lion goes like this," groaaan , groaaan ! " at the drunken husband.

the wife was very concern, and the lion look very angry, and she starting pulling his arm and his body away from the cage.

all sudden, the drunken husband , it's now, pulling away from her. he said to her; " what are doing?, the movie is about to start! "
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#905New Post! Dec 31, 2017 @ 22:28:37
a man found out that his great, great parents were buried into two places.

his great, great mother was buried in ohio, and his great, great father was in normandy.

the man ask his mother whys, they were buried into two different places.

his great, great mother was born in ohio, and she was buried beside her parents.

the man asks his mother, if his great, great father was killed in normandy in ww2. the mother explain that no, my great, great father was killed in the war.

my mother explain that my great, great father was killed in Normandy. my great, great mother killed him, she caught him with his lover there. and then, she shot him.
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#906New Post! Feb 17, 2018 @ 22:00:25
when my mom was alive, soo many times, she told me, I was one of the most of beautiful baby, she ever seen.

my mom been dead for awhile, my older brother told me, why she tell me, I was a beautiful baby ever seen. he told me, she was lying to me.

first time, I was came out of my mother in the deliver room. the doctor and nurses clean me and put a blanket. the doctor hand me to my mom and my father was standing beside her.

my parents look at me, and then my mom gave me back to the doctor. she said to the doctor, " take another look inside me, maybe there is another one inside me. "
matchstickman On March 04, 2020




, United Kingdom
#907New Post! Feb 20, 2018 @ 19:42:18
Once there was a farmer that was very protective of his three daughters. When they told him they were going to go out on dates one night, the farmer decided to wait outside with a shotgun. The first boy arrived for the first daughter, and he said, "Hi, my name is Freddy. I'm here for Betty. We're going for spaghetti. Is she ready?" The farmer decided he was decent enough, and let them go. The second boy arrived for the second daughter, and said, "Hi, my name is Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to a show. Is she good to go?" Again, the farmer decided he was decent enough and let them go. Finally, the last boy came, and he said, "Hi, my name is Chuck..." and the farmer shot him.
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#908New Post! Feb 20, 2018 @ 19:49:24
@matchstickman Said

Once there was a farmer that was very protective of his three daughters. When they told him they were going to go out on dates one night, the farmer decided to wait outside with a shotgun. The first boy arrived for the first daughter, and he said, "Hi, my name is Freddy. I'm here for Betty. We're going for spaghetti. Is she ready?" The farmer decided he was decent enough, and let them go. The second boy arrived for the second daughter, and said, "Hi, my name is Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to a show. Is she good to go?" Again, the farmer decided he was decent enough and let them go. Finally, the last boy came, and he said, "Hi, my name is Chuck..." and the farmer shot him.


twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#909New Post! Feb 27, 2018 @ 04:59:05
like the bible said:

I feel bad because that I had no shoes.

I met someone, who had bad shoes.
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#910New Post! Apr 02, 2018 @ 21:41:00
does a pregnant women goes swimming, does that make her a human submarine?
mrmhead On about 18 hours ago




NE, Ohio
#911New Post! Apr 15, 2018 @ 14:04:42
mrmhead On about 18 hours ago




NE, Ohio
#912New Post! Apr 15, 2018 @ 14:05:29
mrmhead On about 18 hours ago




NE, Ohio
#913New Post! Apr 15, 2018 @ 14:06:05
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#914New Post! Apr 15, 2018 @ 14:44:49
@mrmhead Said




twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#915New Post! Apr 15, 2018 @ 14:47:41
@mrmhead Said



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