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Pros and Cos of NOT having children

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Conflict On about 3 hours ago




Alcalá de Henares, Spain
#16New Post! Sep 03, 2014 @ 08:23:17
@Hypnotica Said

On paper that sounds fine and dandy. But in reality, if your children then move from your fair and feasable environment, they are actually gonna be at a disadvantage. They wont know how to deal with the s*** the world throws at them.


Well, then, I would have to prepare them for the dangers and enemies they would face. Informing children before they leave the nest can go a very long way in preventing problems, or at least making sure they're not so bad.

Now, my pros and cons of not having children are.

PROS

You can allocate more time for yourself, friends, immediate and partner.

You can dedicate yourself more to your job.

You are less likely to draw antipathy from your children because they disapprove of your ways.

CONS

You might develop insular tendencies.

You might perceive others to be commodities or conveniences.

You might develop intolerance toward children.

You might have trouble compromising your time with others who aren't your equal.
Aden On November 28, 2014




, Canada
#17New Post! Sep 03, 2014 @ 15:28:45
Restored post: -DT

Growing up with a not so great mother, I'm not really fond on the idea of having children. Maybe not so much fond of the idea, but it's scary. Because what if I end up not being able to care for them? What if I don't like them? And I will argue to the death with anyone who says that parents love their children naturally, because I know that's a bullsh*t lie.

This is sort of an ongoing thing with my girlfriend because she REALLY wants children (she is a bit older then I am) but I don't right now. I have a good job, make good money, we rent to own a nice house, and things are pretty smooth. But I don't think (well, I'm sure I know if I'm having doubts) that's mentally ready for kids. I'm only 20... Maybe when I'm older, but then she has this ticking biological clock thing going on that she can't let go of.

So I sort of suggested maybe adopting one that's going to have s***ty life and we could turn it around, and she looked at me like I was a f***ing idiot. Oookay then.
I don't think it's something (I hope?) we'll break up over, but I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it. I get paranoid sometimes that she will stop the birth control and have an "oops" moment, even though we have agreed to wait for now.

I know what sort of parent I'd LIKE to be, but I'm not sure if I'm capable. And it's not like you can say "Well, I suck at this. Where's the return packaging for it?"

I can wing of a ton of cons (sleep, social life, money, time, perverts, death, no sports car (get rid of my two door car?!, etc) but I don't know how much of that really matters if or once you have a kid. Do they wipe it all away when you hold it, or do you regret it? I guess that's up to the individual. I can't really say any pros because I am sans kids.
So much work just thinking about having kids. Oui...

DiscordTiger On about 12 hours ago
The Queen of Random

Administrator




Emerald City, United States (g
#18New Post! Sep 03, 2014 @ 19:14:41
@Aden Said



Same with this post, two edits one looks the same, and the third is a delete. It's a strange glitch.
again I can quote/restore/bless if you want
bob_the_fisherman On about 14 hours ago
Anatidaephobic





, Angola
#19New Post! Sep 04, 2014 @ 23:30:03
Is there a down side to having children? Possibly. Unconditional love can hurt sometimes. I have been known to worry about my kids and who they are with, what they are doing and if they're safe etc (and my oldest is in his mid twenties). But, if absolute love and a bit of stress is the downside, you could reincarnate me for ever and I would happily have children every time.

The up side is watching a part of you grow, learn, love and live etc., as you watch your children do the same.

Still, they are expensive, they tend to wreck your sex life they are very time consuming and can seriously hurt you sometimes. But, I will never forget the moment I held my first child and the overwhelming sense of love I felt at that time. Whatever the cost, that moment alone made it worth it.
bob_the_fisherman On about 14 hours ago
Anatidaephobic





, Angola
#20New Post! Sep 04, 2014 @ 23:43:39
@Aden Said
Restored post: -DT
Growing up with a not so great mother, I'm not really fond on the idea of having children. Maybe not so much fond of the idea, but it's scary. Because what if I end up not being able to care for them? What if I don't like them? And I will argue to the death with anyone who says that parents love their children naturally, because I know that's a bullsh*t lie.

This is sort of an ongoing thing with my girlfriend because she REALLY wants children (she is a bit older then I am) but I don't right now. I have a good job, make good money, we rent to own a nice house, and things are pretty smooth. But I don't think (well, I'm sure I know if I'm having doubts) that's mentally ready for kids. I'm only 20... Maybe when I'm older, but then she has this ticking biological clock thing going on that she can't let go of.

So I sort of suggested maybe adopting one that's going to have s***ty life and we could turn it around, and she looked at me like I was a f***ing idiot. Oookay then.
I don't think it's something (I hope?) we'll break up over, but I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it. I get paranoid sometimes that she will stop the birth control and have an "oops" moment, even though we have agreed to wait for now.

I know what sort of parent I'd LIKE to be, but I'm not sure if I'm capable. And it's not like you can say "Well, I suck at this. Where's the return packaging for it?"

I can wing of a ton of cons (sleep, social life, money, time, perverts, death, no sports car (get rid of my two door car?!, etc) but I don't know how much of that really matters if or once you have a kid. Do they wipe it all away when you hold it, or do you regret it? I guess that's up to the individual. I can't really say any pros because I am sans kids.
So much work just thinking about having kids. Oui...


For what it's worth, the fact that you care about the kind of parent you will make tells me you would probably make a good one. As someone who grew up in less than ideal circumstances and ended up a homeless druggy at 15, I can understand the fear of failing as a parent. But, it is possible to be someone that loves your children, no matter how crappy your childhood was...
Eaglebauer On July 23, 2019
Moderator
Deleted



Saint Louis, Missouri
#21New Post! Sep 04, 2014 @ 23:50:14
@bob_the_fisherman Said

For what it's worth, the fact that you care about the kind of parent you will make tells me you would probably make a good one. As someone who grew up in less than ideal circumstances and ended up a homeless druggy at 15, I can understand the fear of failing as a parent. But, it is possible to be someone that loves your children, no matter how crappy your childhood was...



My father was beaten until he couldn't see straight at least twice a week and at the age of nine was locked in a coal chute with no windows under the house for five days without food for getting into trouble at school.

Growing up, we had our differences but I never once felt I was ever in harm's way if he was around and I can count perhaps three or four times that he's ever raised a hand to me. The cycle can broken, and today my father and I are actually very close friends which is something he never had with his own dad.
DuLu On January 11, 2017
CHOOSE HAPPINESS!!!





Waverly, Washington
#22New Post! Sep 05, 2014 @ 18:06:09
DH and I love all our family: immediate and extended.
Those that live close, and those that are geographically displaced. We love when we visit them or they visit us.
We love 'em when they're with us, and we love them just as much when they're not with us (or we with them).

It's all good; and as has been said - no one can make that choice but you.
Rehabilitation_Please On May 20, 2016
Has Tiger Blood





Peterborough, United Kingdom
#23New Post! Sep 05, 2014 @ 19:48:40
Con to not having children

- You don't get to play with LEGOS

/thread
mrmhead 4 minutes ago




NE, Ohio
#24New Post! Sep 06, 2014 @ 00:52:50
@Rehabilitation_Please Said

Con to not having children

- You don't get to play with LEGOS

/thread



Yeah!!

And in a more general sense, many parents enjoy living vicariously through them ... giving enjoyment that the parents may have missed.

Sometimes I think "I'll never give a daughter away at a wedding" ... Other times - "Thank god I don't have a teenage daughter!!"

And the Lego's!!!
restoreone On May 23, 2020




, Ohio
#25New Post! Sep 06, 2014 @ 01:05:08
@Rehabilitation_Please Said

Con to not having children

- You don't get to play with LEGOS

/thread



@mrmhead Said

Yeah!!

And in a more general sense, many parents enjoy living vicariously through them ... giving enjoyment that the parents may have missed.

Sometimes I think "I'll never give a daughter away at a wedding" ... Other times - "Thank god I don't have a teenage daughter!!"

And the Lego's!!!

When you have kids you do not have to worry about growing up.


alk1975 On August 11, 2016




Jackson, Missouri
#26New Post! Sep 06, 2014 @ 14:02:57
The pros are not so easy to list. I can't say happiness because happiness can't depend on another person. It has to come from you, and sometimes, having kids is heartbreaking, and scary, and hard. But they bring happiness too.

They cost a lot of money. A. Lot. of. Money. But it is money well spent and feels very much like the best investment you could possibly make.

They are a constant source for worry, but only because you love them so much.

Sometimes when they were little I wished it was easier to sneak away for adults only conversation or that I could drink without having to concern myself with who was going to stay sober enough to hear a child cry in the night. But I that isn't so hard to do now that they are a little older (15 and 11) and sometimes I wish I could fill the hours with someone who thought a batch of homemade playdoh was the greatest thing ever.

I don't necessarily think you can resolve the problem of having kids or not with a pros and cons list.

Life is easier by far without kids. It is fuller by far with kids. That doesn't mean it can't be full without out them. It certainly can, and what fullness of life means is individualized. Not sure if that helps.
chaski On about 1 hour ago
Stalker





Tree at Floydgirrl's Window,
#27New Post! Sep 06, 2014 @ 14:19:27
Pro: You have children who will take care of you when you are older.

Con: You have children who will abandon you and/or dump you into some ratty a** old folks home when you are older.
magically_delicious On July 08, 2019
since 1985.





, California
#28New Post! Sep 23, 2014 @ 01:23:47
Pros:

- Someone to love, and who will love you
- You'll never be bored again
- That weird maternal/paternal longing thing I don't understand will finally be satisfied
- You have someone to (potentially) take care of you when you're old
- You can provide a wonderful life for another human being, who in turn will provide good things for other people and their possible children
- You get to name your kid something fricken awesome, or you could even name them after yourself
- A piece of you will "live on" after you die

Cons:

- Bye bye sleep
- Kids are a giant money trap
- Your kid could turn out to be a total a*****e, or totally unprepared for the real world and bleed your resources till you die
- No longer concentrate on your own life, dreams, and goals full time until they are out of the house
- Daily routine for a LONG TIME will be very mundane and repetitive
- Overpopulating the already overpopulated planet
- Stressful, dirty, and thankless job

Personally, I do not want kids. I'd rather adopt one or possibly have one of my own since my husband wants one. I firmly believe that I am not naturally maternal and just because I have a baby does not mean I'm going to instantly be in love with it.

I also don't want to have kids for myself, I could give two s***s if I've never experienced real love or could imagine my life with or without them. Having kids is not about you and what you want, it's about your kid. If you bring someone else into this world, you have to do your best for the little a** hole and make sure you raise him/her right.

My husband and I make a decent living, but I would not want a kid until I could stay home to raise and educate the child. I would want to provide as many experiences to learn and grow as possible.

I'll also note that you don't have to change your whole lifestyle just because you have a kid, that idea is stupid. I would still have my 2 door car and I would never be caught dead buying my child piles of unnecessary toys, clothes, and gadgets. My husband and I would still travel, still have date nights, and still concentrate on bettering ourselves as well as raising our child.

If you wait until you are more financially stable and don't have more than 2 kids, you only have to make moderate changes to your lifestyle which will make you AND your child happier in the long run.
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#29New Post! Sep 23, 2014 @ 15:17:35
pro - having kids that could make help mankind to find peace.

con - go to the zoo with your mate, and realizing you and your mate are looking at the baboons. the baboons are beautiful looking, and they are better looking you and your mate. you want sex with baboon, because you have better change have a goreous kids, than with your mate. that is a true story, my girlfiend dumped for a baboon.
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