@chisa96 Said
Okay, my brother put us all through hell. We actually feared for our lives and the safety of our kids. He screamed at us, berrated us, got physical with some of us. My sister thought she would lose her job because she couldn't have a daycare with this crazy guy out in the yard screaming obscenities about things that made no sense. My brother-in-law thought he would lose his job by snapping and punching him. They both thought they would have to move because he started threatening them. My dad thought they would end up in a fight that would leave one of them dead. I was scared that he would claim some kind of ownership to my home because he used to live here.
It sucked. He put us through hell. He was out of his head insane.
He's doing great now. He's finally faced the fact that he wasn't well, and has taken amazing strides to work with medications. He continues to work with it. For quite a while now, he's something like the guy he used to be, and we've all let go of the things he said and did before, because he was crazy at the time.
My sister and her family won't though. They still rant about him. They won't be near him, to the point that my mom has to have separate events if she wants to celebrate a holiday with all of her kids. I'm
so angry with them about this. My mom deserves better than that; she finally gets her son back and she still can't have her family together because they won't let go of a grudge. My dad let it go, and they literally tried to kill each other. That's what families do.
I'm giving them until this next holiday season. If they think that they're still going to hold a grudge against him for how he was when he was sick now that he's well again, if they think that they're going to keep my mom in this position of having to choose between them on who she wants to invite... I'm going to flip my s*** on them. If they rant about him to me one more time, I'm going to tell them exactly what I think about their attitudes. It's bulls***. He's their f***ing brother and they need to put on their big girl panties and move the f*** on.
Is this unreasonable?
I don't think what you are wanting/asking of them is in any way unreasonable.
Your sister and husband need to understand that he was like that because he wasn't well. IMO, they need to seek therapy of some sort to talk it out. They do need to move past this or they are going to suffer not having the rest of the family in their lives.