A probe sent into space by NASA, which was designed to find proof of life supporting conditions on other planets has found compelling evidence that there was, at one time, water in south east england, a region which has suffered a prolonged period without any rainfall.
The Messenger spacecraft made its discovery by accident after a programming error by scientists. 'We entered Mars in the Satnav and it ended up hovering over a chocolate factory in Slough' said NASA's Dr Marvin. 'That was when we discovered a 15% probability that the region has had rainfall as recently as last year, although you might need to drive to Birmingham if you wanted to find a long shower'.
While the area is bone dry at the moment, NASA believes the tell tale signs such as empty swimming pools, disused canal boats and a surprisingly clean 2004 Ford Mondeo all point to a past with plenty of water.
'Our special instruments can gaze back into the very depths of time' said Dr Marvin 'and a quick shufty at 2010 showed that it chucked it down during the entire bloody summer.'
Dr Melvin thinks that life forms living in the region may have destroyed the water available to them despite being on a meter. 'They may have put it into their refrigerators to make ice and then put it into drinks, or bathed in it or used it to clean their clothes, or possibly even have drunk it'
Rival scientists think that the region is dry due to incompetent water companies refusing to invest in reservoirs and infrastructure but Dr Melvin stands by his drinking theory and blames the consumers.
Messenger is currently being reprogrammed to search Scotland for any evidence of salad.