I'm going to pull my hair out!?

@GSnap Said

I'd stop talking to that cat if I were you.

He can only be back and forth if you keep taking his calls and/or texts.

Best way to deal with that one is rip the bandaid off quick and go into no contact mode. He is messing with your head,and no doubt hers too. The more you stay out of contact with him the quicker you will get over him. As long as you continue to chat it will take MUCH longer to get over it.

Think about it - if he is with her and being THAT disrespectful of you saying those things to you then you KNOW he'll do it to you as well if you get back with him.

@catiebuggg Said

I know. I've told all this to myself, trust me. But it's not so easy to ignore him. I did really good for a week or so? But he and my daughter are so attached. It's unfair to her and him to do the no contact thing? She needs a father and he's there for her. I can't take that away. So I kind of have to have some contact. I wouldn't ever get back with him I've made that very clear. But it still hurts to hear it. It makes me want to be spiteful and tell her what he's said and cause him pain and agony when she leaves and he has no one. But I've yet learned how to be a b**** :[

@catiebuggg Said

It makes me want to be spiteful and tell her what he's said and cause him pain and agony when she leaves and he has no one. But I've yet learned how to be a b**** :[

@sTreetAngeL Said

You say in your one post how he loves her, but "she isn't you". That sounds like a contradiction to me. Or at least he wants you to 'think' it. Maybe too, wants to hear from you that you still have feelings for him, so that he can be secure all around, in both of your hearts.


If you tell 'her' about him calling, well it's just possible that that is just what he wants you to do. To force her to kick him out, so he can be with you again without actually having to make a 'choice'; then if it goes sour, he can 'blame' you. And naturally, by telling her about his calling you, will no doubt hurt her deeply...

Could a part of you be wishing for that as well? ( I can't say I'd blame you really if I were in your shoes.) ...but does seem like a lot of game playing.
I know you have a baby together, and she needs her father. Why not plan out and agree to visiting days, no calls, - only for emergencies ONLY. And just have him simply 'show up' to get the baby on his scheduled days. Try to avoid the 'him and you' contact as much as at all possible.

@catiebuggg Said

That's exactly what it is. A game. And we don't have a baby together my daughter isn't his, but he loves her. And for about 2 weeks, I did a no contact period, whatsoever. And I felt like s*** for pulling her out of his life. It hurt both of him, and the only reason I even talk to him is for her (and probably because I do miss him). And I know it would hurt his girlfriend's feelings which is why I haven't done it. I'm not like that. And this morning I did tell him that the only contact that I'd have with him from now on would be for my daughter, so hopefully that will fix thanks.

Thank you.

@sTreetAngeL Said

In that case, just let it slowly fizzle out. Your daughter is getting used to him not being around already.
Babies are resilient, and at that age, bounce back quite easily. She will do fine without him in no time...And I honestly do think he is 'using her', sadly, as an excuse to contact you.

The way I see it; He insulted you by leaving you for this other girl. Now he is using her too, and continuing to disrespect you, AND her now as well. She lives with him; but why do you let him do it to you?

I would just tell him to not call anymore. Complete severence will pay off in a short time, you will see. Plus, you are plenty pretty, and will have no trouble at all finding a good guy, who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.

@sTreetAngeL Said

In that case, just let it slowly fizzle out. Your daughter is getting used to him not being around already.
Babies are resilient, and at that age, bounce back quite easily. She will do fine without him in no time...And I honestly do think he is 'using her', sadly, as an excuse to contact you.

The way I see it; He insulted you by leaving you for this other girl. Now he is using her too, and continuing to disrespect you, AND her now as well. She lives with him; but why do you let him do it to you?

I would just tell him to not call anymore. Complete severence will pay off in a short time, you will see. Plus, you are plenty pretty, and will have no trouble at all finding a good guy, who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.

@GSnap Said

I agree about letting him slowly fizzle out of her life. It is obviously your choice catie but I think that seeing how this guy does nothing but play games that your daughter will do just fine boucning back if he was not in her life.

You are making a choice that is likely going to cause you headaches from now on, and I hate to say this but it needs to be said - someone as irresponsible sounding as he is will very likely NOT be around your daughter thru the duration of her childhood, and it is going to hurt her far more if a few years from now he decides he is tired of playing dada and just doesn't come around anymore.

I'd nip this in the bud now if I were you, rather than waiting when she is a little older, but again this is only a suggsestion. Obviously it is your choice. But i honestly believe you are making this your choice because deep down inside that is your way of hanging on to this guy. I think if you really examined this the reasons for wanting him in your daughter's life might be more centered on how much you miss him than you really think.

You are letting your daughter think of him as dad but is that fair to her? I am not saying that many guys who are not biological fathers can't be great dads, but in this particular circumstance it doesn't sound very healthy for your daughter long term. Is it fair to encourage this with a man who does not prove to be very responsible who might be permanently out of her life in a year, or two years, etc? What about when he gets married one day. Is he going to continue to come see your daughter? Hypothetical example - fast forward five years from now and you allowed her to be attached to him....he gets married and has another child, gets caught up in that, and just doesn't come back around. How do you think that will affect your daughter? it will be much worse than him disappearing now, I can tell you that. You might think he will but the odds of this continuing until she is 18 is very slim and I think by allowing this to continue you stand far more chance of her being hurt later on. She is resilient now - she is so young that if he never came back around again she would do a 100% bounceback from it.

Please just really ask yourself if your motives for keeping him around are more because you miss him then your daughter missing him. She is just a baby.

@GSnap Said

I agree about letting him slowly fizzle out of her life. It is obviously your choice catie but I think that seeing how this guy does nothing but play games that your daughter will do just fine boucning back if he was not in her life.

You are making a choice that is likely going to cause you headaches from now on, and I hate to say this but it needs to be said - someone as irresponsible sounding as he is will very likely NOT be around your daughter thru the duration of her childhood, and it is going to hurt her far more if a few years from now he decides he is tired of playing dada and just doesn't come around anymore.

I'd nip this in the bud now if I were you, rather than waiting when she is a little older, but again this is only a suggsestion. Obviously it is your choice. But i honestly believe you are making this your choice because deep down inside that is your way of hanging on to this guy. I think if you really examined this the reasons for wanting him in your daughter's life might be more centered on how much you miss him than you really think.

You are letting your daughter think of him as dad but is that fair to her? I am not saying that many guys who are not biological fathers can't be great dads, but in this particular circumstance it doesn't sound very healthy for your daughter long term. Is it fair to encourage this with a man who does not prove to be very responsible who might be permanently out of her life in a year, or two years, etc? What about when he gets married one day. Is he going to continue to come see your daughter? Hypothetical example - fast forward five years from now and you allowed her to be attached to him....he gets married and has another child, gets caught up in that, and just doesn't come back around. How do you think that will affect your daughter? it will be much worse than him disappearing now, I can tell you that. You might think he will but the odds of this continuing until she is 18 is very slim and I think by allowing this to continue you stand far more chance of her being hurt later on. She is resilient now - she is so young that if he never came back around again she would do a 100% bounceback from it.

Please just really ask yourself if your motives for keeping him around are more because you miss him then your daughter missing him. She is just a baby.

@sTreetAngeL Said

I agree with everything this poster has said, 100%! I am having an unsually soft day though.

Also to mention, his negative traits are a bad influence on your daughter. She may not understand verbally what is going on around her, but young children are tuned it to way more than you would ever dream.

@catiebuggg Said

He calls tonight.. and we talk for a while. He finally says "I have my standards set higher since I broke up with you, you were amazing to me. And she just isn't you, but I love her anyway"

Makes no sense? I want to pull my hair out. He's so back and forth with it? And I want to get over him, I really do. But he makes it really hard. Even though I'm pretty sure that stupid stuff like that should make it easier. But it doesn't. Grrrr.

@catiebuggg Said

I agree with you both, but I'm not trying to hang on to him. I want him out of my life, I just don't want him out of her life. Before me and him were together he was in her life. He was there when she was born and he really loves her. I firmly believe he'll be there for her forever. And I understand where you guys are coming from because you haven't met him personally and you don't know him like I do. But he's a great father. He has 2 other children that are his and that have lived with him since they were born. He doesn't make very wise choices, but if I had to choice his best quality it would be how great of a father he is. So I won't be separating them. And in the end if it doesn't work out then I'll just have to live with that. But if I separate them now i'll have to live with wondering what if too. But this is not my way of hanging on to him, I've let him go and I'm done with him.