Step-parents shouting at you

My step dad shouts at me, so i just give him back as good as i get even if it is over just a silly little thing then after about 2 days then everything is back to normal and we are all playing happy families again.

being a parent is tough enough, being a STEP parent is tougher!

I admire any person who can take on someone elses kids, I certainly couldn't

I agree with you there babe, I hated my stepdad with a passion growing up and it was only after I had Kat's that I realised how tough it was for him, we still don't get on but there an unspoken agreement bewteen us now.

I must say, kids in step-parent homes have a hard row to hoe, but the parents do as well. Yes, it's hard being a kid in a split home, but it's also hard being a parent in those homes.

I know this due to the fact that my first husband ran off with another woman (which he eventually remarried). My 3 year old was told she could call this woman "mommy" without anyone asking my view on it...obviously this started an uproar that both parents and children were in the middle of. Moral of the story: adults do not always know how to "parent" and sometimes the added stressor of being a "step" parent can be harsh.

My best advice would be to realize that neither of you are in a great position and perhaps this could be helped with some family counseling or some parenting classes for the step parent.

The best thing you can do is be honest, but in a respectful way. It's okay to tell someone that you aren't sure how you feel about them bossing you around when you had no control of them coming into your life. It's okay to tell them that you are having a hard time respecting their authority due to the circumstances. It's okay to say you're confused about the who, what, when, and where of the situation....all this is okay. It , is not okay however, to initiate problems just because you are as confused as your step-parent is likely to be.

Communication is big part of a relationship. My husband adopted my children after their biological father desired to terminate his rights. I took my children through the process with lots of talking and understanding...this was hard on all of us. My husband took several months to figureout the "balance" of parenthood....it was hard to instantly have a child to care for when you had only previously been in charge of yourself. Luckily, my children were younger and less angry about the screwup of their biological parents marriage.

The teen years are hard, but it's better to open your mouth and respectfully state your case than to allow emotions to undermine what relationship you could possibly have....and it might be a good one. Chances are if this adult loves you enough to want to be a parent then you are in a better situation than many youth with a similar problem.

My advice is to open up to your parents and perhaps initiate some counseling. If you're unsure of what types of counseling are available in your area, cruise the internet or talk to your school counselor. There may be support groups in your community....perhaps even teenage support groups for like-minded peers to share their emotions. Don't bottle it up, and don't always make the chaos someone else's to handle. You're old enough to act as an adult in this situation and if you see the problem, show or help your parents learn how to fix it....you'll have a much better life for it.

I've worked with at-risk youth that have had SEVERE problems emotionally and mentally due to medicating their problems....I think you're far smarter than many of them so I have hope you'll come out of this in much better shape.

Step parents can be a pain, but they obviously love you and your other parent enough to be in a relationship that causes them to really challenge their abilities and commitment. Cut them some slack or at least start the conversation with "I respect that you are trying so hard to help be a parent and role model. I have noticed you have a hard time expressing yourself when you're angry with me...can we talk about how to approach me so that I might respond in a better way?"

You wouldn't believe the parents that would DIE CRYING if they heard that statement from their child.

Fix the problem...don't be the problem. I think asking for help here is a sign that you truly want to fix the problem. I hope perhaps I helped a bit...feel free to PM me if you need to ask further questions as I've "been there done that" and worked with at-risk youth as a counselor. Teens are far smarter than we give them credit for....your post is proof of this.

Good luck!

Many step parents are not given the respect they deserve.
They have chosen to take on a big responsibility of looking after, caring for and loving someone elses kids.
It,s something they chose to do because of their love for your parent.
Lots of step parents work very hard to create a happy home, earn money to contribute to the things you have and what is needed in the home, often going without themselves to provide for someone elses kids.
Some are then abused or not given the credit they should be given for trying their best to deal with often rude children who refuse to take down the barrier they have put up, therefore not even giving them a chance.
By actually spending some one to one time getting to know your step parents,you may find that you have more in common than you think and find that they really, genuinely love and care about you.
By spending more time constantly looking for reasons to fault them, no one wins, least of all you.
You mother/father loves this person and their partner has accepted them, kids and all the stresses that come with it.
When you have left home, more than likely your step parent will be loving, supporting your mum/dad for years to come.
They choose to be with you because they want to. Its not something they HAVE to do.

You may be right . There may be some people that when they "choose to become step parents they "work very hard to create a happy home, earn money to contribute to the things you have and what is needed in the home, often going without themselves to provide for someone elses kids." . My dad never married any one like that . The 5 step mothers I had to deal with all had thier own kids , none of them worked and 4 of them thought they were getting a free baby sitter because thier kids were younger then I was and a free housekeeper .
In my dad's case with his marriages , he was a OTR truck driver so he married baby sitters and his wives married a paycheck.