And there's more

Scientists have discovered the cause of diarrhoea - apparently it's hereditary and runs in your jeans.


I saw a chap on a tractor today with a sign saying "The end is nigh!" I think it was Farmer Geddon!...

I like those one liners. Tim Vine is a master.

I want to know the times of the trains to Glasgow.
Have you tried online?
Wouldn't that be a bit dangerous?


The advantages of easy origami are two-fold


I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.



I went in to a pet shop. I said, ‘Can I buy a goldfish?’ The guy said, ‘Do you want an aquarium?’ I said, ‘I don’t care what star sign it is.'


I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah and I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.'

who made the brown spots on the wall by who's s***