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Wizardofozone On April 25, 2019




Zelienople, Pennsylvania
#1New Post! Apr 14, 2019 @ 06:12:53
Very down tonight and grateful for this Forum Site . This topic title was the closest to what is on my mind and heart. I spew it out and thank the God I hope is out there for a place to just unload .... I thank any and all who are helping me quiet my fears a bit by reading this and letting me think I am shareing with you, for you think; so therefore you as I,are another 'I am' ....

Some might recall the 70's when 'free love' was not the craziest 'thing' of the day ... Free Thought was crazier ... Some back then could prove to you (they said ) .. if you would just hear them out, that you actually were just an 'extension' or piece of expression of THEIR life ... you weren't even real and when they left the room you in fact ceased to be to all but yourself ...

The old 'If a tree falls in the woods without a single living thing within earshot present, does it make a sound ?' type of mental gyration was in full and monsterous bloom ... and some of those that espoused these philosophies were products of another type of 'bloom' .... mushrooms,LSD,Hypnosis fads and cults, modern Christianity and/or far East religions and ancient mysticisms.

We can all praise youth, or abounding Faith, or a generous brainful of Hope, or perhaps it was just the fact that we all had years and years left to live and if any or all of these things were indeed true or indeed untrue ... somehow we reasoned ... they would eventually prove or disprove themselves to us ... and so we went on our merry 20+ year old way down the yellow brick road of the Wizard's world ...

Now friends, at 71 there is the recent shock from remembering that the yellow bricks through the years of the journey seemed to be moving slowly in on me from both the left and right shoulders of the road. THAT at least explains as I stand here tonight looking down ... why just a spear point of yellow pieces and crumbs is all that remains . To step only once more forward will be to surrender to a gaping abyss of nothingness ... No road, no Wizard, not even the Religions,Philosophies, or mental gyrations of the 70's ... in fact I'd be happy now even to just know that if indeed ,I ceased to exist as you exited the room, I could comfort myself that at least YOU were alive .. even if only to remember me ....

Sadly, perhaps someone even now moves toward their keyboard because they are sure they are moved to tell me the wonderful 'good news to modern man' story so as to lift me to new heights of happiness and a blessed Reality ... Sorry ... been there .. done that ... In fact, it remains the only truly happy memory I have in 71 years .. Was in a drive in theatre and so spectacular was the realization and understanding of Christ's Salvation to me by his substitution for my deserved punishment that I quietly asked my future wife ... "Am I dead now ?"

Bells, Red flashing lights, Sirens and scurryings of demons must occur the moment one accepts Christ into their lives and the occurrance of Salvation from a living God becomes the only Truth that matters ... because it seems that as soon as early next morning people .. or demons dressed as people begin Hell's Prime Directive of snatching that happy day and happy reality away from you ...

Needless to explain boring stories of all the ways the Hope,Happiness, Faith, and the magic 'lightness' of the Salvation message is unwound from your soul like fishing line madly spools off the reel from an escaping Bass ....

Needless to explain the constant 'Truths' that ping pong between hope and hopeless as you struggle to read the Bible and absorb it easily as many seem to do ... The mind reels from : "I will not permit that they be snatched from my hand" to : "and some fell on bad ground and withered " etc,etc ....

Perhaps He has not permitted that I be snatched away ... But what remains of me has surely withered ....
Erimitus On about 5 hours ago




The mind of God, Antarctica
#2New Post! Apr 14, 2019 @ 11:17:56
@Wizardofozone Said

Very down tonight and grateful for this Forum Site . This topic title was the closest to what is on my mind and heart. I spew it out and thank the God I hope is out there for a place to just unload .... I thank any and all who are helping me quiet my fears a bit by reading this and letting me think I am shareing with you, for you think; so therefore you as I,are another 'I am' ....

Some might recall the 70's when 'free love' was not the craziest 'thing' of the day ... Free Thought was crazier ... Some back then could prove to you (they said ) .. if you would just hear them out, that you actually were just an 'extension' or piece of expression of THEIR life ... you weren't even real and when they left the room you in fact ceased to be to all but yourself ...

The old 'If a tree falls in the woods without a single living thing within earshot present, does it make a sound ?' type of mental gyration was in full and monsterous bloom ... and some of those that espoused these philosophies were products of another type of 'bloom' .... mushrooms,LSD,Hypnosis fads and cults, modern Christianity and/or far East religions and ancient mysticisms.

We can all praise youth, or abounding Faith, or a generous brainful of Hope, or perhaps it was just the fact that we all had years and years left to live and if any or all of these things were indeed true or indeed untrue ... somehow we reasoned ... they would eventually prove or disprove themselves to us ... and so we went on our merry 20+ year old way down the yellow brick road of the Wizard's world ...

Now friends, at 71 there is the recent shock from remembering that the yellow bricks through the years of the journey seemed to be moving slowly in on me from both the left and right shoulders of the road. THAT at least explains as I stand here tonight looking down ... why just a spear point of yellow pieces and crumbs is all that remains . To step only once more forward will be to surrender to a gaping abyss of nothingness ... No road, no Wizard, not even the Religions,Philosophies, or mental gyrations of the 70's ... in fact I'd be happy now even to just know that if indeed ,I ceased to exist as you exited the room, I could comfort myself that at least YOU were alive .. even if only to remember me ....

Sadly, perhaps someone even now moves toward their keyboard because they are sure they are moved to tell me the wonderful 'good news to modern man' story so as to lift me to new heights of happiness and a blessed Reality ... Sorry ... been there .. done that ... In fact, it remains the only truly happy memory I have in 71 years .. Was in a drive in theatre and so spectacular was the realization and understanding of Christ's Salvation to me by his substitution for my deserved punishment that I quietly asked my future wife ... "Am I dead now ?"

Bells, Red flashing lights, Sirens and scurryings of demons must occur the moment one accepts Christ into their lives and the occurrance of Salvation from a living God becomes the only Truth that matters ... because it seems that as soon as early next morning people .. or demons dressed as people begin Hell's Prime Directive of snatching that happy day and happy reality away from you ...

Needless to explain boring stories of all the ways the Hope,Happiness, Faith, and the magic 'lightness' of the Salvation message is unwound from your soul like fishing line madly spools off the reel from an escaping Bass ....

Needless to explain the constant 'Truths' that ping pong between hope and hopeless as you struggle to read the Bible and absorb it easily as many seem to do ... The mind reels from : "I will not permit that they be snatched from my hand" to : "and some fell on bad ground and withered " etc,etc ....

Perhaps He has not permitted that I be snatched away ... But what remains of me has surely withered ....


Free will
Freedom of speech
Freedom of thought

Mike: We, or at least I, accept that there are social, physical and psychological constraints on free will and free speech. Are there constraints on what we think?! Are we programmed by, genetics or experience not to think the unthinkable?!

Mike: If I understand you correctly you are saying that we present a different self when we are with others than when we are alone. Is that correct?
Erimitus On about 5 hours ago




The mind of God, Antarctica
#3New Post! Apr 14, 2019 @ 11:19:49
@Wizardofozone Said

Very down tonight and grateful for this Forum Site . This topic title was the closest to what is on my mind and heart. I spew it out and thank the God I hope is out there for a place to just unload .... I thank any and all who are helping me quiet my fears a bit by reading this and letting me think I am shareing with you, for you think; so therefore you as I,are another 'I am' ....

Some might recall the 70's when 'free love' was not the craziest 'thing' of the day ... Free Thought was crazier ... Some back then could prove to you (they said ) .. if you would just hear them out, that you actually were just an 'extension' or piece of expression of THEIR life ... you weren't even real and when they left the room you in fact ceased to be to all but yourself ...

The old 'If a tree falls in the woods without a single living thing within earshot present, does it make a sound ?' type of mental gyration was in full and monsterous bloom ... and some of those that espoused these philosophies were products of another type of 'bloom' .... mushrooms,LSD,Hypnosis fads and cults, modern Christianity and/or far East religions and ancient mysticisms.

We can all praise youth, or abounding Faith, or a generous brainful of Hope, or perhaps it was just the fact that we all had years and years left to live and if any or all of these things were indeed true or indeed untrue ... somehow we reasoned ... they would eventually prove or disprove themselves to us ... and so we went on our merry 20+ year old way down the yellow brick road of the Wizard's world ...

Now friends, at 71 there is the recent shock from remembering that the yellow bricks through the years of the journey seemed to be moving slowly in on me from both the left and right shoulders of the road. THAT at least explains as I stand here tonight looking down ... why just a spear point of yellow pieces and crumbs is all that remains . To step only once more forward will be to surrender to a gaping abyss of nothingness ... No road, no Wizard, not even the Religions,Philosophies, or mental gyrations of the 70's ... in fact I'd be happy now even to just know that if indeed ,I ceased to exist as you exited the room, I could comfort myself that at least YOU were alive .. even if only to remember me ....

Sadly, perhaps someone even now moves toward their keyboard because they are sure they are moved to tell me the wonderful 'good news to modern man' story so as to lift me to new heights of happiness and a blessed Reality ... Sorry ... been there .. done that ... In fact, it remains the only truly happy memory I have in 71 years .. Was in a drive in theatre and so spectacular was the realization and understanding of Christ's Salvation to me by his substitution for my deserved punishment that I quietly asked my future wife ... "Am I dead now ?"

Bells, Red flashing lights, Sirens and scurryings of demons must occur the moment one accepts Christ into their lives and the occurrance of Salvation from a living God becomes the only Truth that matters ... because it seems that as soon as early next morning people .. or demons dressed as people begin Hell's Prime Directive of snatching that happy day and happy reality away from you ...

Needless to explain boring stories of all the ways the Hope,Happiness, Faith, and the magic 'lightness' of the Salvation message is unwound from your soul like fishing line madly spools off the reel from an escaping Bass ....

Needless to explain the constant 'Truths' that ping pong between hope and hopeless as you struggle to read the Bible and absorb it easily as many seem to do ... The mind reels from : "I will not permit that they be snatched from my hand" to : "and some fell on bad ground and withered " etc,etc ....

Perhaps He has not permitted that I be snatched away ... But what remains of me has surely withered ....


Wiz: The old 'If a tree falls in the woods without a single living thing within earshot present, does it make a sound ?' type of mental gyration was in full and monstrous bloom ... and some of those that espoused these philosophies were products of another type of 'bloom' .... mushrooms, LSD, Hypnosis fads and cults, modern Christianity and/or far East religions and ancient mysticisms.

Mike: I suppose were are all the product of and are all influenced by others. The society that we were initially conditioned in determined, to a large extent, how we think and feel. What we believe seems self evident.

Mike: I am not sure what the yellow brick road symbolizes here. Are you saying at the end there is an abyss of nothingness?
Erimitus On about 5 hours ago




The mind of God, Antarctica
#4New Post! Apr 14, 2019 @ 11:21:27
Wiz: Bells, Red flashing lights, Sirens and scurryings of demons must occur the moment one accepts Christ into their lives and the occurrance of Salvation from a living God becomes the only Truth that matters ... because it seems that as soon as early next morning people .. or demons dressed as people begin Hell's Prime Directive of snatching that happy day and happy reality away from you ...

Mike: There are no demons in hell. They are all here and they interfere.
Wizardofozone On April 25, 2019




Zelienople, Pennsylvania
#5New Post! Apr 14, 2019 @ 12:37:04
Erimitus, Thanks for reading all of this ... It is a bit strange when I read all of your replies to realize I cannot answer your questions or respond to any of them because I actually was not expressing or trying to convey any particular 'truth' or nugget of wisdom or even any self opinions ...

I would more accurately say the post is more or less how we describe to a doctor the pain we are feeling rather than trying to name the actual cause which would be the doctor's job not mine.

Some would simply say I'm just currently depressed but if I were forced to take my own guess I would probably say I am expressing disapointment as if I have been 'cheated' or perhaps have become a bit jaded toward my faith in both God and in myself ...

I know this much : the concept of maintaining a working Faith in God has become simply exasperating and that is at least one of my problems.

I feel as if I have overnight been transformed into one of Star Trek's fictional 'Vulcans' as pertains to how my logic is of late overwhelming my ability to believe as strongly in the necessary Faith beliefs of the Bible ...

I am not a great believer in the importance of Homosapiens to begin with ,so our deaths and general sufferings effect my faith less than when I see the TRULY innocent ... such as Babies,Dogs, Deer and other animals dying, starving, shaking in the cold, being abused or beaten and constantly wondering how an all powerful God could just let it go on and on ...

Some will immediately say " THOSE things are not of God but of Satan and ... (this is where I want to imitate my idea of God as I interrupt them with a snap my fingers and say: " SATAN ??? WHAT Satan ?? I've just snapped my fingers and there is no Satan ... (it just has been reduced in my mind to be as simple as that .. if only He would decide to have it be so ... I've just noticed a few posts under the topic : 'How important is Hope to your mental well being' (not the actual heading of the topic but close)
Wizardofozone On April 25, 2019




Zelienople, Pennsylvania
#6New Post! Apr 14, 2019 @ 14:40:18
Erimitus wrote : "I suppose were are all the product of and are all influenced by others. The society that we were initially conditioned in determined, to a large extent, how we think and feel. What we believe seems self evident."

Erimitus, I think this possible truth of yours is the scariest thing to ponder. I have often thought that as each human soul came and went, each dealing with the possible realization that if there is no God, then .. contrary to what many believe, there need not be 'sanity', order, 'a beginning' as in the chicken or the egg as to which is first,and not even any Hope by virtue of the 'sun being neither too far nor too close, etc ... So that slowly man constructed his minds own best 'Hope' ... a God who conquered exactly our greatest fear ... Death, and then continued to expand the 'plot' or 'backstory' of God through the script or storybook that is the Bible .. What a fearful thought ! .. That our greatest dreams of Death defeated, of a God who loves, of no real need to fear death ... all just a creation story that stabilizes our fearful minds for a time ... but just a creation of mortal man ... almost sorry I read your wisdom as it greives me to no end ... I hope you are slightly wrong somewhere in your logic but I fear we are indeed just formed, molded, and mentally impressed only by our lifelong peer pressure conditioning
chaski On about 6 hours ago
Stalker





Tree at Floydgirrl's Window,
#7New Post! Apr 14, 2019 @ 16:17:36
A few thoughts.

> As far as rants go, yours was very bearable.

> As far as existence goes, I am confident that both of us exist and if one of us left the room we would both continue to exist. I have complete confidence that I exist, and that the people in my life are not a figment of my imagination.

> Maybe more salient, or not, I have no fear of death. I confess to wanting it to come later rather than sooner. I also confess that the dying part comes with a bit of fear... will it be as easy as going to sleep or as hard a battle against cancer or a violent and painful moment...

> As to 'faith", "the bible" and "god"... after having read the bible numerous times and having studied it essentially all my life, I have let go of organized religion, let go of the bible as the word of god, and let go of theological descriptions of god as they are typically far to definitive to truly and honestly represent an infinite being. Of course that is just my opinion, and god could well be pissed off at me, which would not bode well for my "future".

Oh, and I have also let go of any and all descriptions of "heaven", as I have yet to hear heaven described in a way that would not quickly turn into hell. Again, just my opinion.

I am perfectly happy with idea of the infinite nothingness that will follow my demise.

Of course as I get closer to death, my opinions could change... a friend of mine often says there are no atheists in the fox hole, he might be right.
Wizardofozone On April 25, 2019




Zelienople, Pennsylvania
#8New Post! Apr 14, 2019 @ 18:08:55
Chaski wrote : " I am perfectly happy with idea of the infinite nothingness that will follow my demise " ....

Oh how I envy you ... 50 years a martial artist, an executive security consultant, a Marriott Director of Security, a commercial undercover operative ... and the thought of infinite nothingness turns me into a frightened little girl ... Ghaaa ... even my manhood seems delusional ... (God, I hope I can acquire a better attitude tomorrow ...)

To top off the cake with it's required icing, I made the mistake of watching a documentary about 'The Amazing Randy' ... the escape artist/magician who exposed that psychopathic fraudulent faith healer Peter Popov and his wife, who used one of the earliest wireless earphones to hear his wife give him prescreened info about real attendees ..some responding to the seemingly miraculous knowledge Popov appeared to have by actually (and temporarily) being affected by this audio version of a medicinal placebo ... had I been feeling as I do just now back in that day of Popov's exposure, my family would have endured my loss by suicide .... He tried later to justify it by "the need to help the Holy Spirit along on occasion" ... a*****e ..
mrmhead On about 9 hours ago




NE, Ohio
#9New Post! May 21, 2019 @ 01:16:37
...

It seems the "bad" of the world has taken a step closer to "my" world over the past month or so ....
Just various, unrelated things, and many don't directly affect me ...
Some happenstance
Some "natural"?
some caused by others
Some caused by themselves

but still .... they've all been "closer" one way or another.

Just sayin'
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