@Wizardofozone Said
Very down tonight and grateful for this Forum Site . This topic title was the closest to what is on my mind and heart. I spew it out and thank the God I hope is out there for a place to just unload .... I thank any and all who are helping me quiet my fears a bit by reading this and letting me think I am shareing with you, for you think; so therefore you as I,are another 'I am' ....
Some might recall the 70's when 'free love' was not the craziest 'thing' of the day ... Free Thought was crazier ... Some back then could prove to you (they said ) .. if you would just hear them out, that you actually were just an 'extension' or piece of expression of THEIR life ... you weren't even real and when they left the room you in fact ceased to be to all but yourself ...
The old 'If a tree falls in the woods without a single living thing within earshot present, does it make a sound ?' type of mental gyration was in full and monsterous bloom ... and some of those that espoused these philosophies were products of another type of 'bloom' .... mushrooms,LSD,Hypnosis fads and cults, modern Christianity and/or far East religions and ancient mysticisms.
We can all praise youth, or abounding Faith, or a generous brainful of Hope, or perhaps it was just the fact that we all had years and years left to live and if any or all of these things were indeed true or indeed untrue ... somehow we reasoned ... they would eventually prove or disprove themselves to us ... and so we went on our merry 20+ year old way down the yellow brick road of the Wizard's world ...
Now friends, at 71 there is the recent shock from remembering that the yellow bricks through the years of the journey seemed to be moving slowly in on me from both the left and right shoulders of the road. THAT at least explains as I stand here tonight looking down ... why just a spear point of yellow pieces and crumbs is all that remains . To step only once more forward will be to surrender to a gaping abyss of nothingness ... No road, no Wizard, not even the Religions,Philosophies, or mental gyrations of the 70's ... in fact I'd be happy now even to just know that if indeed ,I ceased to exist as you exited the room, I could comfort myself that at least YOU were alive .. even if only to remember me ....
Sadly, perhaps someone even now moves toward their keyboard because they are sure they are moved to tell me the wonderful 'good news to modern man' story so as to lift me to new heights of happiness and a blessed Reality ... Sorry ... been there .. done that ... In fact, it remains the only truly happy memory I have in 71 years .. Was in a drive in theatre and so spectacular was the realization and understanding of Christ's Salvation to me by his substitution for my deserved punishment that I quietly asked my future wife ... "Am I dead now ?"
Bells, Red flashing lights, Sirens and scurryings of demons must occur the moment one accepts Christ into their lives and the occurrance of Salvation from a living God becomes the only Truth that matters ... because it seems that as soon as early next morning people .. or demons dressed as people begin Hell's Prime Directive of snatching that happy day and happy reality away from you ...
Needless to explain boring stories of all the ways the Hope,Happiness, Faith, and the magic 'lightness' of the Salvation message is unwound from your soul like fishing line madly spools off the reel from an escaping Bass ....
Needless to explain the constant 'Truths' that ping pong between hope and hopeless as you struggle to read the Bible and absorb it easily as many seem to do ... The mind reels from : "I will not permit that they be snatched from my hand" to : "and some fell on bad ground and withered " etc,etc ....
Perhaps He has not permitted that I be snatched away ... But what remains of me has surely withered ....
Wiz: The old 'If a tree falls in the woods without a single living thing within earshot present, does it make a sound ?' type of mental gyration was in full and monstrous bloom ... and some of those that espoused these philosophies were products of another type of 'bloom' .... mushrooms, LSD, Hypnosis fads and cults, modern Christianity and/or far East religions and ancient mysticisms.
Mike: I suppose were are all the product of and are all influenced by others. The society that we were initially conditioned in determined, to a large extent, how we think and feel. What we believe seems self evident.
Mike: I am not sure what the yellow brick road symbolizes here. Are you saying at the end there is an abyss of nothingness?