Healthy self esteem vs. conceited?

@Grasshopper Said

And is it normal to feel physical pain just by trying to think good of myself?

@GSnap Said

And there you have described the difference of motivation for the words that I tried to convey in my post.

The delivery and motivation of how it is said makes a huge difference.

Good example.

@GSnap Said

Well and then there is that. Or if they get too nasty a good head shove in the loo can work.

Ok I jest. (well...maybe heehee)

@DorkySupergirl Said

Thank you. The other point to be made, Max is not conceited, he is convinced of his good looks.


The delivery has a lot to do with it. There is nothing wrong with stating positive things about oneself but when it gets to be a bragging nature, it is annoying.

@GSnap Said

How so? What do you mean physical pain? As in they hit you for feeling this way?

@DorkySupergirl Said

I think the difference is...

If someone starts a thread and asks if people think they are attractive. If one responds with "I think I am attractive" that is a normal answer and reflects positive self esteem.

If one answers "don't hate me because I am beautiful" and really means it, that is being conceited.

@Grasshopper Said

Uhhh no, not really. You know how it hurts so much emotionally that you litterally feel an ache in your body? Like that.

@GSnap Said

Well in that case you are letting people get under your skin WAY TOO MUCH.

I 'know' you from this forum and I've never seen you be arrogant or cocky about this sort of thing. You're a very sweet girl so I wouldn't put too much worry into this. Sounds like your friends only want people to kick themselves a lot and that isn't right.

@Grasshopper Said

And is it normal to feel physical pain just by trying to think good of myself?

@Mysteria Said

You are a good person so you shouldn't feel pain acknowledging it. It sounds like your parents have you believing you're not supposed to think highly of yourself. Maybe it's not your parents making you feel snobbish for thinking you've got better qualities than some people. I can't be sure but I'm basing my opinion on things you've posted.

My mother doesn't even like for me to say I'm intelligent in casual conversation with her. She knows I am but in her opinion, that's bragging. You just can't please some people. If I were to sit there and put myself down, she'd be pissed off and probably put me down, too.

My dad's got a lot of confidence. He's always said I could do anything I set my mind to plus when I was growing up, he'd say I was pretty like my Daddy. My mother just rolled her eyes. I like hearing him say things like that to this day, but if he tells me I'm not capable of doing something and she joins in, I believe them.

Don't let your parents or anyone else tell you that you're wrong for thinking highly of yourself. No one should have to feel like they'll never amount to anything because if they really want to, they will.

@Grasshopper Said

Thank you very much.

How on earth can a person change their attitude over something after years of being taught the other way? And how would he/she know when to stop?

@GSnap Said

I often felt growing up that my mom was so hard on me because i was a lot like my dad. And she and my dad didn't get along well, and I think sometimes she unfairly took that out on me.

Parents will do that. She tried to knock me down my whole life, once I moved out, my self esteem flourished.

Grassy, as I told you before parents don't always know the right way to act, and that's a shame, you would think that parenthood would somehow make you more 'mature' but it doesn't always work out that way.

LIke Mysteria said keep being you. There will come a day when you are on your own, and you will still love your parents, but you won't feel as bound and shackled by their criticisms because you will be out there in the world being more independent.