Underneath the Cyanide Sun....
Joined: Feb 2009
|My coworkerís daughter is 23 and this is her 15th pregnancy and has yet to produce a child. Weíve heard it all:|
I was raped, I got married yesterday and now Iím pregnant, I was raped again, I was drugged and donít know who the dad is, etc. etc.
Well, now sheís up to her 15th pregnancy and her mom still believes her. In fact, her mom threw her a baby shower last weekend.
Sheís a BIG girl so I really donít think youíd be able to tell if she was pregnant or not, but a coworker who attended the shower said she doesnít look pregnant. Now, could she maybe be for real pregnant this time? MAYBE.
But follow me on this and why me and several others donít believe it for a second:
|Getting pregnant could be the best thing to ever happen to me. Before that, I was wasting my life away with idiots, drinking and drugging. Yeah, I had a full time job, but I wasnít doing a thing with my life. I had no more goals, no more plans. College didnít seem as important when youíre laying on your living room floor, laughing your a** off at the ceiling because youíre tripping balls. |
January 17th 2012 is when I got a major kick in the ass. I was told I was pregnant and basically 37-38 more weeks of being a normal young adult.
Every break up that I had with Eric made it more real, that this isnít a game. This is life.
Every penny I made now had meaning.
Iíve been stone cold sober since that day and I love it.
Carly really put things into perspective for me, and Iím kinda sad that sheís going to have to see me work so hard for her. Had I been smarter a few years back, I would have made a solid college plan, gone and not hung around a bunch of people who dragged me down to being a loser.
And thatís what I was: I was a loser.
Thereís no way around that fact and thank you so much, Carly, for waking me up and making me realize that Iím so much more than what I was. I have so much potential. Iím smart, Iím beautiful and Iím going to do something with our lives, I promise. I refuse to let you down.
|Saying bye-bye to my purple hair for a little while. Hello, brown hair. Ugh, I miss it already!|
But hell, it's way worth it if I get this job that's $13/hr with benefits! My aunt is trying to set me up with a job interview at her company. And this would provide me with paid maternity leave for 8-12 weeks. Hell. Yeah.
Pray for me if you believe in prayer, cross your fingers for me if you don't!
|Got a call from Eric's bank. Someone's been using his bank card since last night. Hopefully this means they can catch these stupid a*****es.|
They got declined at a gas station (thankfully) but someone made two other purchases at a 7-11 (the one right by our house) and an Exxon (right by our house).
Unfortunately, on small purchases like under $25 they can use credit without a photo ID. But luckily they don't have his PIN number so they can't withdrawl money.
|So to whoever jumped and robbed Eric tonight on his way home, I hope you all f***ing die. And not just "die," I hope it's a slow, painful, torturous death you slimy pieces of s***. It must be really f***ing easy going after one dude when there's 4 of you.|
If you show your face around here (and I have a relatively good idea who you all are, 4 black teens who couldn't have been older than 18? Hmm, sure sounds a lot like the 4 black teens who walk around the neighborhood together everyday), I'll make your life hell. Pregnant or f***ing not.
Let me catch you in front of my f***ing house, I swear to God.
God I f***ing hate people.
At least Eric is okay, though. Torn up, a couple scrapes, bruises and a split lip. All of his s*** can be replaced, but he can't be.
Sadly, he stopped carrying his knife last week. But now I'm not letting him leave without it.
The police are out looking for them now and hopefully they catch them (and hopefully they do something dumb and use one of his credit/debit cards).
|Within a MONTH I exploded. Omg. |
|I practically had to beg my mom to come with me to Eric's parents house for a BBQ (ended up being inside, just too hot to sit outside), but she did. However, she really didn't want to be there long because she didn't feel like being out too long. We were talking about going out to see some fireworks around the neighborhood later tonight, though, which was cool by me.|
Well then she agrees to go to some BBQ with one of her guy friends (who constantly harasses her asking her out and flirting with her) and it kinda put me off because:
A: it was far away and she keeps talking about how she has work tomorrow and doesn't want to be out late.
B: it's hot out and she didn't feel like sitting outside
She promises me she won't be long and that we can still watch fireworks tonight. But no. She calls me and says a whole bunch of this dude's friends want to go down to the harbor and watch fireworks.
I SUGGESTED WE GO DOWN TO THE HARBOR AND WATCH FIREWORKS DAYS AGO AND SHE HAD AN ENTIRE LIST OF REASONS WHY SHE DIDN'T WANT TO!
"I have work the morning after and we'll be out too late, parking is horrible, too many people, too many fights break out, too hot, traffic is bad, etc. etc. etc."
So now she's on a f***ing yacht in the middle of the harbor getting ready to watch amazing fireworks and I'm home, doing nothing.
I seriously started crying, that really hurt.
And now she's making up all kinda of excuses and making me feel guilty about being sad.
I really wanted to do that and she had no desire to until someone else asked.
|So because of a freak storm that popped up Friday night (tíwas not expected at all!), we lost power from 10:30pm Friday night until Sunday night around 9pm. OMG. I have never been so hot, sticky, gross, sweaty and miserable in all my years.|
Now that the power is on, I almost wanted to make out with my air conditioner.
My mom and I spent a ton of money eating out, going to the mall and going to the movies because it was easier than sitting at home, in the dark and heat sweltering to death! Literally, youíd be sitting on the couch with sweat pouring off of you. It was just horridly hot and humid.
Anywhere you went to eat it was at least a 30-45 minute wait. The movies were packed, the mall was packed, it was just miserable.
The storm itself was amazing to watch, although our street is torn up. Uprooted trees fell on houses and cars. You can barely drive through it. 80mph winds, intense thunder/lightening, and rain so heavy it looked white outside. We ended up with no electricity for just about 48hrs. And being 7 months pregnant and no AC in 105 degree weather? NO BUENO.
So during the storm, we (my mom and I) heard a cat crying. So we opened the door and the neighborhood kitty ran into the house. We dried her off, gave her food and water and a dry place to sleep in the bathroom. We let her back out when the storm subsided. Sheís purrfectly happy and safe now (I can actually see her out the window looking at the squirrels in the trees).
I donít blame the poor dear! It was terrifying out there! If those winds could rip trees out of the ground, Iím surprised she didnít get swept off of our porch!
She's well taken care of by us and the other neighbors, but I'm still looking to find her a home. She is SO sweet.
Not to toot my own horn, but I'm so happy we were able to save her and let her know that we care about her. I'd definitely take her in if we didn't already have 4 cats and a dog (and a baby on the way).
| I got 10 solid hours of uninterrupted sleep last night.|
I'm gonna try to remember how this feels in October when that kind of sleep is just a fantasy.
So on top of really good sleep, I woke up to my belly being kicked all over. Which in any other situation would suck, but in this case it's actually a really nice way to wake up.
|and the biggest idiot on the face of the Earth. I'm 19 and just came to realize I f***ed up my entire life and now someone else's. I wish I could go back so bad and change things, but at the same time I don't because of my daughter. After nearly 3 years, the only good thing that came out of this was my daughter. The rest is f***ing bulls*** and it screwed up my life. But even then I feel like I just set her up for a bulls*** life.|
I really do hate myself now.
I hate how insecure I am, I hate how scared I am, I hate that I still have feelings for someone who treats me like dirt.
WTF man, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
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