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On September 25, 2019 ruby2011

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How do you deal with emotional pain?
August 30, 2019 @ 12:50:52 am
Living through hell in recent years...

I worked for Arby's from April 2015 until October 2017. My supervisor used to like me and be nice to me, treating me like everyone else, until she got mad and went psycho on me for looking up to her. At least that's what she told me, although she worded it that I never left her alone. So I was gone shortly before Halloween. Yet she appreciated it when other people looked up to her.

I spent the next several months having severe, multiple mental breakdowns. I got wasted regularly until 6 months ago. And early last year, I even physically lost my voice bc of mental breakdowns. I had since recovered my voice completely and sound normal again btw.

I also simultaneously worked at Crossmark for 5.5 years distributing samples at Sam's Club. When Arby's let me go, it was so heartbreaking and I ended up acting out at Crossmark bc I physically couldn't talk to anyone about the lady who don't give a rats a** about me. I left June of last year and immediately started my current job at McDonald's. I only recovered from my grief a few months ago and only bc I was able to talk to coworkers and managers.

When I went paranoid that ppl are mad at me, I explained that it's bc someone hurt me for no reason and I'm scared that everyone else will too. So they took my outbursts in stride. And it was hell of an outburst every time. I would cry and beg my supervisor not to be mad at me when he was never mad in the first place.

I'm still painfully aware that she doesn't give a rats a** about me. She doesn't wanna know how I'm doing. Hell, she never wants to see me again and I'm not even allowed in her store as a customer. I lived on my own while I was at Arby's and moved back home after I got canned, since I needed help dealing with mental breakdowns. I broke up with my boyfriend (who I met at Crossmark) bc he went to work for Arby's, knowing full well about the lady who treated me like crap.

How can I find anyone who gives a damn when they keep walking out on me? I used to think that only happens when I do something wrong. After Arby's, I came to realize ppl can turn on me for any reason, so it's all random. I ran into her today, hence the reason for this post. I hope to talk to my current supervisor tomorrow or whenever I work with him again. Fresh grief are hard to cope with.

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