"Triple Threat!"  wingsy
More Pics
Über-Minister
18803 points
28/F/Clear spring, Maryland
Join Date: Apr 2008 |
| |
|
So things started out not so bad and today all Hell broke lose.
My sister is gay (it's not a big deal to me, but she knows that it IS a very big deal to our parents...so she hasn't told them yet). I have never had the capacity to lie to our mother and she knows that. My mom asked me point blank yesterday if my sister is a lesbian. I attempted to play it off like I knew nothing, but when she pressed me, I ended up telling her. I then called my sister and told her what had happened. My mom said she wasn't happy, but she'd deal with it, b/c my sister is still her daughter. So we all agreed that my dad can NOT know this information! He will totally freak!
So this morning at church, my mom was discussing things with our pastor. And my dad overheard. At that point, all hell broke lose!  My dad is pissed off that I knew and didn't tell him...he's even MORE pissed off that I asked advice from people online about how to deal with it. He called my sister and screamed at her (luckily, I was able to get hold of her first to warn her!). I left church to go to my contact lens recheck, so I don't know if he's talking to any of us right now or not. | |
crazychica
Minister
13754 points | | Not good. It's kinda pathetic that people get so worked up about what is essentially a private matter. |
chitown1
Über-General
622 points | I think on some level your mother wanted your dad to know. If she really, truly didn't want him to find out she wouldn't be discussing it with your pastor while your father was at church. She could have made an appointment to go and speak with him privately.
It's unfortunate that your parents have this attitude towards their child. This sort of thing makes me feel ill, honestly. Is your sister financially dependent on them for anything? School? I hope not since the beans have been spilled.
As for YOU (don't think you're getting left off the hook!) I recommend practicing the MM icy stare with, "Why do you ask?" Your sister confided in you and even though you're a bad liar this was not your secret to tell. Obviously your mother knew what she was doing when she pressured you but you need to work on keeping private things to yourself no matter what or get used to being in the dark a lot. |
wingsy
Über-Minister
18803 points | I know, Chi! When I talked to my sister, she said "well, I figured Mom would push you on it, so I wouldn't have to tell her." Thanks, sis! Help, Chi! I've never been able to hide things from my mom  |
trillian
Minister
13230 points | | ok, its a shocvk to find out one fo your children is gay. but what is it to do with them? they are youir parents but they dont own your life. they gave you birth. they do not have a right to run your life. they have no right to control or dictate anything. i hope your dad calms down soon though. but dont feel too bad. life has to go on. |
aquariusari
Mega Über-Meister
3538 points | Wingsy - my dad tries to do that to me, ask me what my sister is up to. My step-mom doesn't like that he would put me on the spot like that. What I usually tell my dad is "ask her yourself" very nicely of course.
Basically it is along the lines of "I don't think it is or it was my place to tell you something like this" could you use this phrase with your dad?
Honestly, if didn't think it your place to spread the "news" can you just tell him so? I know it's hard with parents, but eventually and hopefully his love for you and your sister would make him a bit more understanding on this issue  |
wired2talk
Meister
1439 points | Bless you, Wingsy...
My teenage son is struggling with his sexuality- and for whatever reason he considers me his best friend. i am so lucky he talks to me! i can't imagine having a problem with whatever solution he comes up with... so i can't say i understand your father's reaction.
i do understand your difficulty with keeping a secret- i'm terrible at it, myself, and i don't generally get drawn into any gossip as a result. |
sisterhairy
Über-Meister
1649 points | Awww Wingsy believe it or not, this is typical. Both of your P's are first going to go through a period of, "we need to fix this". Once it truly sinks in that this is not a changeable condition they are going to start trying to figure out "what they did wrong" to cause your sister to turn out lesbian.
You and your sis may want to prepare for a period of time where sis is cut off from the family. Parents cutting off their gay children is fairly normal. It's all a part of the "we can fix them" phase. If the child does not want to be "fixed" the parents go into cut off mode, thinking they can shame the child into submission.
Just try to be as supportive as you can and they eventually will come around. |
wingsy
Über-Minister
18803 points | Thanks, everybody. Dad is talking to us...I think he's denying it right now. He's got this whole "this isn't happening" attitude about it.
Thanks for the heads up SisterHairy. I expect them to cut her off at some point, for a while at least, but I won't avoid my sister. |
blue_oval_baby
Debater
6195 points | | Wings, I'm sorry that you got stuck in the middle of all of this. Really, your mom should have asked your sister, not you. However, now that it's out in the open, you won't have to stress over keeping her secret any longer. |
chitown1
Über-General
622 points | I was wondering if she told you in the hopes that you would break the news for her! I thought her reaction was awfully calm...
I think some other people have given good suggestions for deflecting your mom's inquisitions rather than outright lie to her. Saying, "Why don't you ask her?" is a great way to let your mom know that you're not spilling anything. And try to think of it this way: it's not so much keeping things from your mom as it is protecting something that is not your secret to tell. |
Pages: 1 I made my TFS layout using Pimp-My-Profile.com |
And then all Hell broke lose...
