 windymoon
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General
320 points
25/F/dickson, Tennessee
Join Date: Nov 2007 |
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just read below!
Current Music: nobodys perfect by hannah montana
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Mark What You Have:
[x] Mother
[x]Father
[] Step-Father
[] Step-Mother
[ ] Step-Sister
[] Step Brother
[] Brother
[X ] Brother In Law
[] Sister
[ X] Sister In Law
[X ] Half sister
[] Half brother
[ X] Nephew
[ ] Niece
[X] Boyfriend/Husband
[ ] Girlfriend/wife
[x] Mobile phone
[ x] Own bathroom
[x] Own Room
[x ] Have/had a Swimming pool
[ ] Hot tub
[] Guest room
[x] Living Room
[x] Computer (duh how else am i doing this!)
[x] TV
Total: 14
[x] Full size or bigger bed
[x] More than 8 pairs of shoes
[x] Sunglasses
[x] Watch
[x] MP3 Player/iPod
[x] PS2 that works
[] Xbox that works
[x] Nintendo DS or PSP that works
[x] Gameboy/ Advance
[ ] Gamecube
[] Wii
[] Laptop(thats yours)
Total so far: 22
[ ] Netball hoop
[ ] Air hockey table
[] Pool table
[ ] Ping pong table
[ ] Football table
TOTAL so far: 22
[x] Nightstand
[x] Stereo in bedroom
[] DVD player in bedroom
total so far: 24
[x] Goes shopping at least once a week [mostly]
[x] Expensive cologne/perfume
[x] AIM/MSN
[x] Camera on phone
total so far: 28
[ ] Electric or gas scooter/4x4/motorcycle/car
[x] guitar/drums/ba** guitar
[x] Piano/Keyboard
[] Any other instrument
[x] Been on a cruise
[x] Travelled out of the country
[x] Had a personal trainer
[x] Expensive jewelery
[x] Met a Celeb
total so far: 35
[x] Straightener/curling iron
[x ] Have been to a batting cage
[ ] Have £100 on you right now
[] Credit card or atm card or debit card or bank card
[x] Have a tv Downstairs
[x] Mirror in your room
[ ] foxtel
[ ] foxtel in your room
[] more than 3 bedrooms in your house
[] Been to Las Vegas
[ ] Been to the Bahamas
[] Been to Mexico
total so far: 39
[x] Parents have a car
[ ] Have own or own a Jet ski/boat
[ ] Camper
[x] Been to 3+ states
[] 100+ buddies on facebook/myspace/bebo
total so far: 41
[x] home cooked meal almost everyday
[x] Been in a limo
[x ] Been in a helicopter
[x] Own a camcorder
[x] Own a computer
total: 46
Post as: I am a ____Upper cla** snob_______
1-22 = Ghetto
23-33 = Average Teen
34-39 = Spoiled Bitch
40+ = Upper Cla** Snob | |
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| well thank you all for the comments on my last journal entry. well I have been a cutter since I was 12 and I am in the process of trying to quit. so ya its hard but its something that takes time. ya know. I havent cut though today yet or yesterday! so im doing good right now. im still depressed and I still want to but im trying. | |
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well at about midnite, i cut. i blead pretty bad but i was able to get it to stop. I dont know why i did it. i just did. I felt angry and my chest was tight and I felt like I just HAD TO!
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When I went to Iraq, I was so scared because I didnt know what it would be like. but now that I have come back, its harder so much harder. being in Iraq wasnt hard at the time. but now its hard. My mind remembers things, the looks in peoples faces as I watched them die, the dead bodies lining the hallway because we didnt have room in the hospital, getting blood on my shoe because someone was bleeding perfusely. those are things I cant put out of my head I cant let it go. I can still remember hiding in our concrete shelters when we got attacked and I remember when people I loved back home died and how I received the messages. I remember how our little post looked when we arrived in Iraq and how it looked when I left. I remember how cold it was during the winter and hot it got as spring came. I remember having to go to mental hospital because of things going on at home. I remember my mom not answering the phone everytime I called from Iraq. I remember it all what do I do now?
Current Music: the way she feels - between the trees
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hey all!
well two days have gone by and I havent cut!  but I still want to more than ever. I feel so ugly inside like no one will ever want me. I just dont know what 2 do. i look in the mirror and I see complete uglyness. I just hate me so much. sex sucks from the rapes and so sex with hubby (not so good  ) I hate trying to do things and than never being good enough I guess I get that from my mom. I look at the scars and it disqusts me but yet I want to just bleed out all the pain and misery but I dont know how. I dont know how to let it go. I've tried writing and painting and sometimes that works and I've tried the marker thing, but than when I dont cut I starve and purge i guess for me there is no happy ending. I just feel so hopeless. o and I am posting a song that feels me with hope read it and tell me what u think, please!!!
"Deliver Me"
Deliver me, out of my sadness
Deliver me, from all of the madness
Deliver me, courage to guide me
Deliver me, strength from inside me
All of my life I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like you
Now that you're here, now that I've found you
I know that you're the one to pull me through
Deliver me, loving and caring
Deliver me, giving and sharing
Deliver me, the cross that I'm bearing
All of my life I was in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like you
Now that you're here, now that I've found you
I know that you're the one to pull me through
Deliver me
Deliver me
Oh deliver me
All of my life I was in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like you
Now that you're here, now that I've found you
I know that you're the one to pull me through
Deliver me
Oh deliver me
Won't you deliver me
Current Music: deliver me by sarah brightman
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well I sit here in the living room thinking and listening to sad music and angry music. I just got out of work and I just wish I could curl up like a baby and be held forever. I wish I had the streagth to pull that triggor you know? I just hate me so much. and I know others hate me too. grrrr
Current Music: deliver me by sarah brightman
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my life :(
